Unlikely Heroes Book Two

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Ronnie WRight

So, you don't believe there are people from outer space or that there's life on other planets, huh?

Don't worry. You've got plenty of company.

No, not me, you dumb shit. I know better.

"Ronnie WRight"
a SciFiFoFum production

The Time is WRight

I know this guy Ronnie who makes me look like Albert Einstein in comparison. His full name is Ronald W. Wright but everybody in town calls him Ronnie, even though he's in his late fifties. Here in the Allegheny Plateau, like most places in Appalachia, men never really grow up. That's the way we like it. Then we can get away with all kinds of shit just because boys will be boys. Man, I love that lame-ass line.

Anyway, Ronnie let me alter his last name a bit for this promo vid and for the actual video, which I intend to post in early October. He's so dumb that he agreed to appear in my next video just so I can show people that only a dumb fuck like him thinks there aren't any people on other planets.

Ronnie's so freakin' dumb he thinks I don't believe in them, either. He thinks I'm just talkin' shit. God, I love this guy. Every cranky old bastard ought to have a pal like Ronnie WRight. I'm even using his mug to draw traffic to my page at the Junk TV website. Hell, it's better than having a fuckin' ad on the FOX Network.

WoWAGreatBigRocket!

Yeah, I heard "the big news" the other day. Umm hmm. How'd ya think I'd react? I'm not a ten-year-old boy. Or a NASA bigwig, either, spooning out shit by the bucketful to a gullible American public that just can't seem to get enough of those noisy, big-ass NASA rockets.

Yeah, great big rockets. And all the ballyhoo and hullabaloo that goes along with them. Like 20th-century window dressing, false patriotism and government cover-ups. That's right. I'm a grownup. I can see through transparent people. And, like a grownup, I can't get all excited about something that can eventually be made into a Lego toy.

What about you?

And, yep, I did all the sound effects myself, separately, and then dubbed them in afterward. It's amazing what you can do with a five-dollar stick mike from Big Lots wrapped in a MacGregor sports sock, lots of spit and a free sound recorder downloaded from the Web.

And, no, I wasn't holding my cigar upside down. It's a cigar, not a fuckin' rocket. Besides, I tried that and the goddamn hot ashes went all over the goddamn place. Hey, unlike NASA, I'm on a shoe string budget, here. So, if it doesn't look and sound like high-end shit to you, go peddle your papers. It's no skin off my ass either way.

So, you finally noticed the "Filmed on Loaction" credit at the end. Was it a pun? Well, gee, if it was a pun I guess I'd be saying that this particular video is in "Lo Action" instead of HD, right? Or was it just a typo? Or maybe there's some hidden biblical reference or a code that'll put you in a freethinker matrix. If you can figure out the fucking code.

Or maybe "loaction" is a new high-end video-making process that you'll want to die for! Especially if everyone else has it and you don't. In that case, why does the video look so Low-Def, huh? I'd say LMAO if I didn't think that the flourishing use of chatroom acronyms is earmarking the downfall of western civilization. But how would you know that if you use them all the time because you can't spell real words worth a damn? Huh? OK, you nitpickers can chew on that thing awhile. Me? I've got other fuckin' fish to fry.