Ads Blow

It's been a while since any shit out there got me to the point where I'd bother to piss and moan about it on the Web. No, I'm not getting more tolerant about all the unnecessary shit in our lives, I've just been busy, that's all. That's right, I've usually got other fish to fry that are more important than pissin' and moanin' about something that only a handful of people will give a shit about.

But I finally got done fryin' those other fish for the time being and, hell, they're not very important, either. You know, things like getting the mail and going to the store and soaking your feet and taking out the garbage and shit like that. They might not sound very important but they're a lot higher on my to-do list than pissin' and moanin' about really important stuff that most people would only consider trivial.

That's right. Those big buckets of shit that most of you eat every fucking day are being eaten by you because you see everybody else eating them and you simply don't want to be left out. So, this blog post about "annoying ads" is not for you fuckers. You love ads. You love the shit they sell you. You watch an ad for something you don't need and don't really want and can't even afford and then you push and shove and knock heads and whine and cry until you get it. Because you think everybody else has it and got it first. Before you did. So, go away. Take a fucking hike. Turn on the boob tube, why don'tcha, and see what new shit they've come up with to pick your brains and your pockets.

You got it, this post isn't for you dumb fucks. It's for the hundred or maybe two hundred people in the entire world who can actually think for themselves and who, therefore, haven't eaten a single bucket of shit in their entire lives because, being smart people and independent thinkers, they know that, not only does shit not taste good, it's no goddamn good for you. Hell, this post might even annoy you because, Christ, you already know this shit and here I am boring you to death with it. Which makes you folks "my kind of people". But that's all right. It's worth the risk. Yep. I'll take a sock on the jib once in a while if it's for a good cause. Like awareness.

So, eating shit by the bucketful is not necessary, you see. And neither is being forced to endure ads, ads, ads, everyfuckingwhere you go just to get through a goddamn day. I mean, if you want to watch a news video on the Web and it starts out with a fucking ad, dump it. Fuck those asswipes. There are still plenty of online news sites and even famous newspapers that won't shove an ad down your throat just so you can see what's happening in the world. Ads are a fucking option. Even on TV. That's what recording devices are for. Record your favorite shows and watch them later. And fast-forward through those dip shit ads with all those dip shit people in them trying to sell you dip shit products and services that only a dip shit would want.

And there are enough fucking sidebar ads on Internet websites that you can click on if you fucking feel like it that you don't have to swallow a big gulp of shit you're not interested in just so you can hear what the President recently said or which team won last night or what some Hollywood shithead just did to get some more fucking attention. Christ Almighty, the ads on TV are bad enough without wading through them on the fucking Internet. These days, you almost need waders, not just boots, to waddle through the streams of shit that are "in your fucking face" before you even get to see a fucking glint of anything that might be even remotely newsworthy.

So, yeah, ads blow. And they blow big time. But you can minimize that shit by reading most of your online news, instead of waiting for the fucking ad to play out so you can wait for the rest of the fucking news video to load while you watch all those fucking Flash ads light up your computer screen like a fucking pinball machine. Yeah, it's really these animated ads and those asinine little video screens that slow down, freeze and even crash your browser.

Just imagine these advertisers being so fucking stupid they don't realize that they can't sell you shit if your PC is on the blink because its virtual memory has been high-jacked by RAM-robbing Flash ads. By greedy-ass dumb fucks who don't give a shit about you or your computer. They just want your money. And, hey, if my browser crashes or freezes — or even slows down — because of some dumb-fuck Flash ad, I'll make it my goal in life to never buy those advertisers' products or services again. So, if you fuck with my computer, you fuck with me. You stupid shitheads.

That's right, folks. You got it. If you're eating online ad shit and not liking it, it's your own goddamn fault. So, don't whine and cry to me about it. I took the time to piss and moan to you about it first. So there you go.