It's That Time of Year Again

Our Guest Fugitive

Это Фред Фортуна делает сезонный видеотрансляции из четвертого измерения, используя глобальные геостационарные спутники. Если ваш канал прерывается, это твоя вина.

هذا هو فريد فورتشن جعل بث الفيديو الموسمية من البعد الرابع باستخدام الأقمار الصناعية الثابتة بالنسبة للأرض العالمي. إذا تمت مقاطعة خلاصتك، انها خطأك.

זה מה שהופך את פרד Fortune שידור וידאו עונתי מהממד הרביעי באמצעות לוויני גיאוסטציונרי הגלובליים. אם העדכון שלך נקטע באמצע, זו אשמתך.

Editor's Note 11-30-13: If the Arabic and Hebrew paragraphs on this post appear too large for the post section and "bleed" over toward the sidebar, just reload the page. This is "The G" mucking with us. Muck with them right back.

Their Boy Paul

Tic Tickedofferson, Guest Poster: "Ronnie WRight and I fell for that pussy-ass Mock Congressional Hearing that those sheeple held in Washington, D.C. back in May 2013 like two starstruck old fools. We even believed that ol' Paul Hellyer was still the Minister of National Defense for Canada because that's pretty much the way it was presented on YouTube, THE lying-ass turd website of all time. Yep, we fell for it. Me and Ronnie. Like two drunken ridge runners. For about 24 hours, that is. Then we woke the hell up. If the Greys had their own breaking news channel (they do, only it's called CNN,) this is what we'd see on this deal. When Paul Hellyer was in charge of Canada's military (1960's) he worked for them. Bought and paid for. And that's no shit. 

I think ol' Ted, my know-it-all cousin, fell for it hook, line and sinker for at least that long and then he probably choked on the whole thing and got super ticked off. He doesn't like to blog anymore so I did it and if he treats me like ol' Ronnie WRight for posting this, then we'll just have to show him which way the door opens on this cramped little shithole studio of his. Won't we?"

Tic Tickedofferson is an occasional guest poster on the Ticked Off  Ted blog. And, now that Ted O'Hooey has finally gotten tied up indefinitely with dastardly browser and intergalactic feed wars, he doesn't really give a shit about Ted's shit or anybody else's shit. And that's no shit.

Shit News with Turd Pyle

My, how accommodating. Now that the FAA, run by lizards, is catering to the spoiled-ass wireless culture at the expense of air traffic safety — and in the face of all commonsense — we know who to blame when the airliners start crashing into each other and falling on us. We get to blame EVERYBODY except those of us who know better. But, oh my god yes, I forgot, every single passenger who boarded every single plane will be a good little boy or girl and turn off his or her wireless device each and every time that every single plane drops below 10,000 feet. Not on your life. Now that's some shit.

Turd Pyle is a guest poster at Ticked Off Ted. Thanks, Turd. Nobody rats out the lying-ass news and the shitheads who make it like you do.

Obama TV: MSNBC is Now "Flushable" News

Since 2012 MSNBC, the Mostly Shit Now Broadcasting Company, has been nothing but a pagan altar for Obama worshipers as well as a venue for creative hatred, specializing in anti-white-male racism and Republican Party bashing, in the name of The Obama White House and The Democratic Party. At MSNBC, you get more lies for your money and more worthless shit per minute than on any other fake-ass "news" show on American television today. And there are plenty of them.

MSNBC is actually Obama TV, featuring Obama's Girls, white-hating mouthpieces determined to get your goat and to fuck you up the ass with flagrant, in-your-face, "Fuck You America" verbal vandalism that always goes unpunished. Until now. What passes for "news" and current events on this Microsoft and NBC "love child" is more editorializing and commentary than anything else. And most of it is pretty goddamn nasty. On Obama TV, some unwitting GOP politician or Republican elected official gets sacrificed to the Bwana Obama God every fucking day by these "high priestesses of hate". It's enough to make you puke.

At the top of the fake-news-anchor "Showgirl" list are the conceited motormouth rabble rouser and enthusiastic GOP-basher Alex Wagner, the White-hating Rag Mop Bobblehead Melissa Harris-Perry, angry militant lesbian mouthpiece Rachel Maddow, whose vociferous and verbose anti-establishment venom and hateful body language attacks the very core of American traditional values and, last but not least, that unbelievably pathetic, mealy-mouthed, dyke-whipped, super pussy Chris Matthews, who's way too old to be such a delusional homo about the real America; about the "checks-and-balances" aspect of, not only real government, but real politics in action; about real economics; and about real life in general. The real world.

So, if you like to see and hear hate so thick you can taste it and don't mind being fed lying-ass shit so foul you can smell it, and you absolutely cannot distinguish between information and disinformation, and you love to wallow in a great big stinking lie, every goddamn fucking day, then you can bet your worthless ass that MSNBC Obama TV is the place for you. In fact, you, the hateful viewer, made MSNBC what it is today: The official Obama White Black House medium for lies, disinformation and hate. You sorry piece of shit.

This Public Service Announcement and Equal Opportunity Voice of The Truth is provided by veteran truth-seeker and aging, white, heterosexual American male, Tic Tickedofferson. And, if you don't like it, then go the fuck away. It's no goddamn skin off our asses.

Credo

 

Feed Wars

Ted Says Good-Bye and Farewell

Hey, Snoop THAT!

OK, Ted Ted,

Well, I know I don't know nothin' but I still think they're Chinee. The aliens, I mean. They're all Chinee, just messin' with us. Hell, I got nothin' against the Chinee. I like Chinee food and firecrackers and tea and all that. So, there you go. Are we done yet?

Ronnie 3 Ronnie

Hey, Snoop THIS!

Hey Ronnie, you dumb ol' beef-eatin' redneck prick,

Hey, bud! Yeah, I just found out that those big-ass lizards that really dumb-ass people are calling the Illuminati hate people but that they use us for food. Christ, what shit. Hey, Ronnie, the last time you ate a piece of fried chicken did you remind yourself how much you hate those little two-legged fuckers? Of course you didn't. That's the fucking point. But, hey, all this Reptilian shit is enough to make me go vegetarian. As a matter of fact, I'd have gone vegetarian a long time ago but we big-ass two-leggeds seem to need animal protein in order to survive. Unless you're a 90-pound bolemic coed who really gets off being skinny. I like my women a lot older (like 30 years older) and with some goddamn meat on them. Oh, Christ, here we go again. Being obsessed with meat. Shit, now I'm getting off the track again. You know me.

First of all, let's forget about those fucking little Benedict Arnold pricks Ed Snowden and Brad Manning. They "made their own beds" so "let them lie in them". I love cliches. You can use them when you don't feel like thinking and it's perfectly OK. Fuck, yes. Everybody's doing it. And I've already tossed that George Zimmerman-Trayvon Martin TV ratings deal out the fucking window and into the street where nasty racist shit belongs It doesn't even belong there but those fuckers aren't going to give up hating. Not for all the money in the world. That racial trump card crap actually belongs in the gutter, where the hateful dregs of humanity like to prowl. Fuck that shit. I've got a life to live. Not much of a life, but a life nevertheless. And so do you. And so do they. But they'e not interested in living unless they can fuck with other people. Like that shit is free. Dumb fucks. But, Christ in a can, here I go getting off the fucking track again.

Oh, yeah, check out the Reptilian shit on YouTube. Jesus, what creepy shit. There sure are a lot of people in this world who like to wallow in gross shit. Reptile people who eat our kids. Jesus. And how 'bout that fucking Pleiadian shit, huh? Worse than the Gray shit (those fuckheads spell it Grey like they were all from Limey-ass Land or something). What the fuck do Limeys know about anything? They can't even speak English without looking and sounding like somebody's using a cattle prod on them and making them talk. They hate to move their goddamn lips, especially that stiff upper one, but those fuckers love to tell us how it is. Don't they, now?

But, hey Ronnie, we free-willed Earthlings don't have to worry about a goddamn thing because we'll be saved by the fucking Andromedans. Jesus God. I'm so fucking relieved and enraptured it makes me want to run around town buck naked throwing rose petals at everyone while singing "We Are The World". Yeah, those 4D fuckheads are pretending to be higher-level beings who have the right to offer us 3D peons two choices in the near future. Stay here or go with them. What kind of fucking free will has only two fucking choices? Huh? What fucking shit. Christ, I'll tell ya, Ronnie, there are more fucking liars on YouTube then there are on TV. I swear to Christ. Can you believe that malarkey? But, hey, that reminds me. We've been lied to way before YouTube even existed. That ol' lying Yankee Benedict Arnold, Stevie Spielberg, will have his fucking judgment day somewhere out there, won't he, now? DO-DEE-DO-DEE-DAAAAAA! Jesus, what fucking crap.

And, yeah, check out that Peggy Kane, that so-called Pleiadian spirit guide trapped in that dumpy Earth woman body. What a ruse. I think that cow gives sour milk, if you get my drift. Nobody but us knows that she's nothing but a Reptilian shill. Hell, yes. She makes all those YouTube viewers scared as shit and then the Reptilains feed off their fearful fucking emotions. What a fucking set up! Yeah, she cooks her fellow men and women and serves them up at a ripe 98.6 degrees. Her reward is getting lots and lots of undeserved attention. Like any other psycho bitch. Psychic, my ass. But, hey, you can't beat a parlay like that if you really hate people and are a whiz at pretending you love them instead. What a fucking racket. I hate liars. That's right, Harry, that means little redneck rats like you who steal $75 worth of crushed aluminum cans out of my garage instead of recycling them, like we agreed upon, for HALF the money, not all of it. It took me two fucking years to crush and bag those cans and exactly one fucking minute for a worthless little piece of human shit like you to rip me off. And then you think you're going to knock on my door in the fall so you can come in to my house to drink whiskey in my basement and pretend to clean my furnace? BETTER THINK AGAIN, you salamander fuck. Hell, these fucking goddamn liars are our biggest global-threat problem, not the fucking aliens. I'll bet there aren't too many motherships that can withstand an ICBM barrage. If we can just get Russia and China to aim at them instead of us, we'll have that lyin'-ass alien shit cleaned up in no time.

And, oh yeah, I still avoid The Hallmark Channel like the fucking plague. Always have. Every fucking holiday there's some goddamn family tragedy. Christ I hate being sad at holiday time. What the fuck? You know, like the sorry sad sacks Santa forgets and broken homes and Moms out on their own. Families that cry and hug and cry some more. Jesus Christ. That sorry sad shit doesn't help anybody. In fact, it feeds the dark side of this sad-ass world. Then there's the Lifetime channel where women with low self esteem go to submerge their sick psyches into preposterous stories about betrayal and family horror. Whining, crying, ball-busting bitches all over America are making those fucking Reptilians stronger and stronger whenever they cry and hate and and point their fingers and accuse all those nasty pricks who did all those horrible things to all those innocent "women's women". Lez Bud wannbes, if you ask me. Innocent, my ass. Then they watch that fucking Bridezillas show on the We channel. No wonder American women are so fucked up. They watch too much TV. The only channel that compares to Lifetime for snaring stupid man-hating bitches is USA. Couch potato hags all over America get their jollies when men go to the slammer. SLAM! Another hateful hag gets off.

But none of that sick shit's enough to make me watch that fucking G4, or Esquire, whenever they get around to changing the name. Most American men watch shit on TV that I have no interest in. Being a big fucking deal. Treating women like meat while pretending to be God's gift to women. What shit. Being the best at anything and everything. Not caring about anything, as if that bullshit trait is a fucking virtue. Not shaving, not bathing and wearing dark-ass, bad-ass clothes that supposedly puts all the young bitches in heat (and the homos) and all the regular men on edge with jealousy. Christ, Ron, what a bunch of fucking crap. Isn't it, now? Yeah, like hunting deer on OLN while dressed up in those stupid Ghillie suits that make them look like goofy, fool-ass morons. They look like two-legged porcupines for Trick-Or-Treat. Or else cheesy, cornball aliens from the old Star Trek TV show. They look like fucking idiots. Or else they're watching yet another flock of NASCAR whore cars go around in a circle for hours. No wonder American men are so brain dead. But those shitty "men's channels" are still better than AMC. At least most of the shows on Esquire (G4), OLN and Speed are about living people, not the fucking dead. Jesus.  

Yo, Ron. Say high to all those snooping pricks and bitches on the dark side of the moon. You know how to do say "hi" don't you, Ron? Just go outside and point your middle finger up at the sky. There you go. Yeah, yeah, you're Ronnie 3 now but only to yourself. Think you can remember that? One more thing: let's not forget the memory of our poor little calico cats. Those Google Adsense pricks will tear each other new assholes scrambling for the right cat ad to tack onto our Gmail messages. Did I ever tell you that I stopped using Adsense when they started running video gaming ads on my blog that said "Join the Orgy Now"? No fucking lie. This world is a goner. The Reptilian thing might be true. That's right, that orgy cartoon shit grossed me out. Grossed me right out. But, oh yeah, I left my cat's pooped and peed litter box in the hall closet. Every time I open that stinking closet door it reminds me of how glad I am the little fucker's dead.

Ted

(Yeah, Ronnie, I'm still Ted, not Ted 1 or Ted 2. I'm the only goddamn fucking Ted you need to worry about. Or else start worrying about that goddamn Wiffle Ball bat with your name on it. All right, then. And, no, nobody knows we really don't have calico cats. Mine's a big-ass orange-and-white and yours is a little gray tiger-stripe. And they're both doing just fine. But keep that shit to yourself because we're mucking with "The G" here.)

Untouchables: There Are No Such Things

The Last Fucking Straw

Hate is a two-way street, where head-on collisions are inevitable. When you think you're after justice you're fucking somebody up the ass, if hate is your motive. By the same token, when you think you're getting justice, you're fucking somebody up the ass and getting it up the ass in return, if hate is the driving force. When you think you're fucking them, you're fucking yourself. When hate is the motive for what you wish was justice, everybody gets fucked. And nobody wins. And don't you ever fucking forget it.

Post updated 7-17-13 to address riots after the Jury's verdict at the George Zimmerman trial. And, you better believe it, I'll have my goddamn say here. Nowhere in this country do white people threaten to riot if they don't agree with a jury's decision. NOWHERE. That's an African-American foible. And one that needs to be rectified NOW. Maybe you'll look for another Reginald Demming — who was an inncoent white man who had NOTHING to do with Rodney King — and toss a brick in his face so you can vent your racial hatred. Which is what most televised trials are all about. Hate and support for haters. Out-of-control, white-hating, racist blacks are already punching total strangers in the face in shit-ass, hate-infested, Oakland and, of course, they're rioting and looting in Los Angeles. Jesus Christ, what else is new? Fuck L.A. L.A. is a low-life shithole. I wouldn't go to L.A. to take a fucking shit. And fuck pussy-ass, white-hating Oakland. I wouldn't go to The Bay Area to hurl my lunch. Who in the hell do you goddamn people think you are? Americans? You wish. Terrorists is more like it. Hey, if you don't like being an American go someplace else. You won't be missed. Believe that. And if you don't like my opinion that's too goddamn fucking bad.

Wall Art Experience

Take a break from the real world. Click on the "Wall Art". There you go.

Hail to The Real Chief

"Pucker up, America.
Your ass is MINE."

How did you like the way I took over MSNBC News this morning? Wasn't that great? Heterosexual Americans couldn't get a word in edgewise with all that Queer America shit in their faces. That Serbian-looking homo bitch who thinks she owns MSNBC was making fun of that white male news anchor for being upstaged by the black traitor in your "White House" and he let her mock and debase him like she was some lezbud dominatrix on a three-day, straight-hating drunk.

Your know, fuckheads, America's not about goodness anymore, it's all about hate and licentious pandering. You adore lurid pleasures, abhor modesty and despise traditional American values and that's why I own you. You pathetic, rebellious, dark-souled losers. America  is mine."

"Meet my little helper. I think you already know him."

You're not alone. Eddie Snowden snowed us too.

OK, so we were wrong. We caught Ed Snowden fever, that's all.

When Ronnie and I finally pulled our heads out of our own asses we realized that this Snowden shithead is just another one of those amoral freaks who was raised on the free-for-all Internet and who think they have a right to invade anyone's personal space and jeopardize other people's safety and security but, by Christ, they think it's a fucking crime when the government does it to preserve the safety and security of American citizens. Hey, Snowden, you little prick, can you spell "hypocrite" or do you need an acronym hint?

The NSA and PRISM are "the good guys", you stupid fucking shits, working to preserve peace while glory-hog fuckheads from Anonymous and Wikileaks and criminals like Edward Snowden think their personally identifiable information is sacred but not anybody else's. These cocksuckers duped you, you stupid fucks, and they duped Ronnie and me, too. And you fuckers will pay for that. The legal way. Not by the cowardly, hit-and-run, tactics you pussies use. You fucking "heroes" aren't doing anything but putting good Americans in jeopardy while pretending to be one of us. In your dreams.

The Latest Revolting Developments

It Should Also Stand For Truth

The United States of America is a "representative republic" and it always was. We elect Congressmen and Congresswomen and Senators to represent our best interests in the United States Congress. There are no democracies in the world. Democracy — when every citizens personally participates in the lawmaking process — is something we aspire toward. But we'll never make it there unless we cherish "the truth" above all else. Without "the truth" to guide us justice, life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness will just be words and not our inherited American birthrights.

Ted and Ronnie's Snooping Adventure

Ted Emails Ronnie WRight and Gets Snooped:

Hey, Mike Ronnie

Ed Snowden is the new Patrick Henry! And, hey, a lot more people than just you and me know that. Millions of people worldwide know that. It's the Second American Revolution where freedom and liberty mean nothing without the truth. You know who can't seem to understand or just respect that? Bad people. And most of the people we American citizens have entrusted with our grand North American Republic and its cherished heritage are nothing but a bunch of dark-souled bad-asses.

Funny, isn't it, how they think they can do whatever the fuck they damn well please like it was fucking FREE or something. Crimes against nature and humanity are never free. There's always a payback. Those stupid NSA fuckers are so afraid of terrorists that they think spying on ol' mom and pop at home and at work will solve their stupid paranoia problems when all they have to do is keep the fucking Arabs and Russians OUT of the United States! It's pretty fucking simple. And obviously clear. That's why nobody gets it.

Yep, the truth is right under their noses and everywhere else as well. And it always was. That's why you-know-who wrote Blind Fool Running and The Truth Is a Lone Assassin. And that's why 96 Snoop Dogs took it for free from Amazon's Kindle Store during you-know-who's 1-Day My Gift To You FREE Promotion (yes, really free) on June 10, 2013 and who then hid the knowledge they contained from the world and each other like a bunch of hateful little shitten scaredy cats who'd been caught with their dirty, lying, cheating pants down. These bottom feeders wouldn't shell out a measly $2.99 for the real McCoy (the bought and paid for ebook). But they'd have no problem spending a couple bills a week on pot, booze, porn or whores and not even bat an eye. Fuck them.

Y'know, I don't think the NSA gets our little joke about the calico cat and how Google reads our email even before the NSA does and uses keywords like "cat" to tack dumb-ass Purina cat chow ads onto our email messages. But who cares, huh? Fuck them, too. And, oh yeah, that shit about the queers and lesbians. Well, that's not bullshit. The world is being run by people who misuse everything that's natural and nothing is more unnatural than a homo snoop dog with a dark soul.

So, yeah, my calico cat is still dead but I wouldn't watch anything on the Hallmark Channel just so I could cleanse my dark-ass soul with a two-hour therapeutic crying jag. That's for those ball-busting bitches who like to show their feminine side to each other and then go right back to being hateful ball-busting bitches on daytime TV. Hell, I'd rather watch a news report on TV where praying mantis people from outer space just set Hollywood, Las Vegas, Benghazi and Minsk on fire with their minds and when all the perverted queers and lesbians and hateful camel jockeys and nasty Ivans and NSA homo snoop dogs came running up out of their basement hiding holes the same bad-ass space bugs melted the little fuckers from the feet up with a super microwave ray or something and when they finally died and their dark-ass souls died, too, they went, "REEEEEEEEEEEE!" Just like that liquid metal terminator at the end of Terminator 2. What a fucking pipe dream. But that would sure solve a lot of our planet's problems. Wouldn't it now?

Yours truly,

Ted

Ronnie WRight Replies to Ted and Gets Snooped:

Oh my god yes. Ain't it the truth.

Later, Mike Ronnie2 Ted

Ronnie 1
(So, am I Ronnie 1 or Ronnie 2 now? Christ, I can't remember all this secret spy shit. Are we done yet?)

Ted The Email Snoop Dog

They control the vertical. They control the horizontal. They control the bandwidth. So they say. But, hey, I might be a ticked-off old lub from Appalachia but I know how to reach out into cyberspace and grab some goodies myself. So I do.

You bet I did because everybody's doing it. So, yeah, check this goddamn shit out. I cyber-nabbed a really dumb-ass but potentially suspicious-looking email message and its subsequent reply the other day and I want to share it with the world because my snoop doggie dogshit might go fucking viral and then I could be rolling in dough.

At the very least, I might earn enough snoop money from Uncle Sam's taxpayers to buy myself what every male on this fucking planet seems to want: fancy clothes, fast cars, hotel rooms and whores. So, if you even think about claiming these two pirated emails as your own snoopy dog shit I'll find you and hit you in your thievin', fuckin' head. As you can clearly see, time (e.g. post dates and post times) means nothing because everything in the universe is actually taking place at the same time. Trust me.

So, yeah, check this shit out, will ya? Christ, ol' Snoop Dog Bama and all those Jon Voight and Jack Black types at the NSA must be shitting in their goddamn fucking pants with lyin'-ass-dog anticipation. The Big 9 TechShit Firms (AOL, Apple, Facebook, Google, Microsoft, PalTalk, Skype, Yahoo and YouTube) are all frantically denying any involvement in PRISM, just like the lying-ass snoop dogs they've always been.

Names and email addresses were withheld for security reasons. And if you believe that I'll tell you another one.

The originating email message:

Jesus, Mike, Ronnie it looks like ol' Jon Voight won! Those NSA cocksuckers (hi, guys) have been reading our email and going through our phone records like queer sailors on a three-day drunk. Fuck them, I say. You're the only person I ever send and receive email from and you're ME! Oh, Jesus, Frank Burns, do you think the principal SAW us?

Poor ol' Ed Snowden will be up to his ankles in his own piss and blood when the jack-booted thugs those NSA ass worms use against us U.S. citizens break down his hotel door in Hong Kong and whisk him off to Cairo. If you can believe anything a former CIA tekkie says.

Mike, Ronnie you can bet your sweet ass that the ol' NSA poop dogs will do their dirty work just like The Pennsylvania State Police troopers do their highway patrolling. They'll let all the really bad people go by them at a bazillion miles-per-hour, toting all kinds of bad shit between L.A. and New York (and back) and then they'll come down way too hard on ol' mom and pop dragging their tired asses home from work a mile over the speed limit in their rusty Chevy. 

Nothing ever changes on planet Earth because there is no god and never was and never will be. Just celestials, midwayers, those Illuminati shitheads in their Armani suits and seven billion fuckheads who only care about themselves. Why don't we fit it?

When you figure that out, you old geezer, drop me a line. Be sure to say hi to the NSA-ers. By the way, the calico cat died and I need Purina chow to look at for some boo-hoo Hallmark memories. Bye.

Best reagrds,

You

The reply:

Christ, Mike, Ronnie you know I don't know nothin'. But my guess is that we don't fit in down here because our link to the real powers-that-be goes way beyond Earth's stinking stratosphere. You know we're the spotters for King Karma here. Judgment day is just around the corner but we won't be here. I've got this little condo on Uranus if you're interested.

Christ in a can, I'd rather be anyplace else. Even on Uranus, where Nuns bowling for dollars and Senator Tossing is illegal but the hottest sport in town because of all the illegal sports betting. Oh, yeah, my calico cat died too and I had to watch Little House on the Prairie on Hallmark for two hours and not cry before I got over it. No Google Adsense pussycat ads this time around, either. I think they gave up on us. Say hi to those queers and lesbians who run things your way if you can get past their fucking stench.

Here's looking up your old address. Or, better yet, I'll just let ol' Google Puss hand it over to the NSA so they can all get free blowjobs from each other at the LAX Marriott in exchange for their highly popular bad-boy treason shit. Say, isn't that where that liberal-ass Hollywood turd Bob De Niro capped that fake-o, macho, haired-up homo hit man?

Bye,

You

Jesus, I wonder who these two jaspers are and why they think they're each other. Not to worry, though. Gene Hackman and Will Smith will straighten everything out for us and then we'll all be just as snug as a bunch of bugs in a rug. So we think.

Snoop Doggie Doo: Verizon Poo-Poo

Click on the colorful Snoop Doggies for Verizon Poo-Poo News

Click here for more NSA Snoop Doggie Shit. I guess we should have taken the movie "Enemy of the State" with Jon Voight, Gene Hackman and Will Smith a little more seriously. Don't you think?

Morning Joe Sucks

My Contact Message to the "Morning Joe" show 5-28-13:

"I saw something this morning that I absolutely could NOT believe. Was it interesting? Not very. Was it funny? Not at all. Was it odd? You bet it was. Odd, sad, disturbing, disgusting, horrifying and maddening. No, I don't have a video clip. You're the clip, Joe, you and your hideous gang of "Roman Centurions" crucifying the Mayor of Toronto like twisted, sick spectators and then YOU LAUGHED when the poor guy ran into a big-ass camera lens in the corridor (another in-your-face freak who didn't stop or apologize to the mayor). 

The unfortunate man GOT HURT, you freaks, and his accident and physical pain ENTERTAINED you. Who do you people think you are? What you are is an embarrassment to the human race. In his worst day, The Mayor of Toronto couldn't begin to present a more horrible example of a twisted, perverted mind than the five of you. You should be ashamed. But my guess is that you're all so full of yourselves that pride is all you feel. Too bad for America and too bad for us all."

That's right, it took me a few days to finally put up and then complete this post because I have better things to do with my goddamn time than tell you a true life story about my trying to find some real fucking "news" on TV when all that's left of broadcast journalism are blowhard celebrity spout-offs like that fucking "Morning Joe". And, no, I don't watch MSNBC, CNN, Fox News, and that Robin what's-her-face on CNN Headline News because I can't stand the "rack rack" sound today's TV newswomen make. Plus, Robin, is it?, is not a newswoman. She's just trying to be "hot". Been there and done that, too many times. For me, that's yesterday's shit. Thank heavens for that.

Yep. I'm an old fart who wants "news" and that juvenile, "Oh, yeaaaah!" of hers just doesn't cut it for me. In fact, it makes me want to hurl. Oh yeah, Robin, where are the male news anchors? You remember men don't you? Those swinging dicks you bitches used to like? You know, before Ellen Degenerate Degeneres took over the Obamanation America and made most white, heterosexual men obsolete? That's right, you ball-busting bitches (sorry, but this stupid fucking cliche actually fits) have ruined daytime TV. Period. And "cable news" today sounds like a "Mars Attacks" soundtrack run through a Vox synthesizer. Rack rack. Rack. RACK rack!

So, I accidentally heard a man's voice as I thumbed the remote and I stopped on this "Morning Joe" deal because I thought I'd somehow gone back in time. I thought Chet Huntley or Roger Mudd might suddenly appear out of a wormhole or something and tell me some news. Or at least Dan Rather, or maybe Tom Brokaw. But, no, it was this stupid "men's shit" show and they were whipping up a lot of hate against The Mayor of Toronto. When I saw what was going down I immediately took the side of the Toronto mayor.

The Mayor of Toronto could have been a contract killer from Vancouver, for all I cared, merely pretending to be the Mayor of Toronto, Ontario, and I would have still rooted for him simply because of Joe Scarborough and his aging rat pack of over-baked yuppie movers and haters. What a bunch of circus clowns. Only they weren't funny at all. Then I wondered what the hell that blonde woman was doing on a man's show like "Morning Joe". If anything, looking at her made it easier to endure this sick parody of television news and commentary. What I saw were four middle-aged men shitting themselves with blowhard pride and patting themselves and each other on the back while the Mayor of Toronto entertained them by  mashing his nose into a girlie man's snooping camera snout (thank you, Arnold Schwarzenegger). What a bunch of pricks.

Jesus, I would have given just about anything to have been able to change the channel and find Diane Sawyer or Jessica Savitch or Barbara Woodruff or even Barbara Walters telling me how it was. Even that damn Democrat liberal Walter Cronkite. But, no, I was stuck in the present. It was either that Asshole Joe and His Gang of Anal Donuts or else that goddamn ridiculous Rack rack. Rack. RACK rack! shit. So I turned off the fucking TV and walked behind the mower awhile. I'd rather have my brain fried by the hot sun — any day — than have it filled with TV newshound shit. After all, dog shit is still dog shit and dog shit can never become news, no matter how long or how hard they try to feed it to you.

And, up yours, vampirestat.com and adsensewatchdog.com for trying to get me to click on your fake-ass referrer spam links in my Traffic stats. Basement-dwelling freaks who love smoking midwayer pole like you make assholes like Joe Scarborough look... well... almost human in comparison.

Art Park: Striata

Not A White Flag

The Cleveland Horror

The Bangladesh Horror

The Oklahoma Horror

Post updated 5-21-13

The Last Straw

That's right. You're smart. You got it. That's the fucking concept. Fuck you. Which is a pejorative and figurative term that's the equivalent of "eat shit and die, you goddamn piece of garbage."

And, that's right, it basically applies to just about everyone who's enjoyed misusing me for their own whimsical, hateful amusement, including the two cocksuckers who verbally attacked me like it was FREE early this afternoon at my own goddamn back door and in my own fucking driveway.

Well, you two circus freaks got away with one because I couldn't get to you fuckers on my partially-paralyzed legs. Lucky you. Now, I'll make this story as brief as I can because it already tastes like shit in my mouth.

Early this afternoon a strange van bearing New York tags barreled down my driveway and I went to the back door to make sure that, if it was a salesman, "they" (an incorrect but acceptable anaphoric pronoun commonly used in modern American English)  got the correct message from the polite note on my back door which said, "If You're Selling We're Not Buying". I was encouraged to put that up by my 82-year-old mother, who spends her days in a wheelchair and who lives with me, after people just wouldn't take "no" for an answer. Who gives these cocksuckers their fucking peddler's licenses anyway? Can't they see what assholes they are?

My mother thought that anybody with half a mind and any human decency would just go away and leave us alone. Most people would think that, including me. But not these two "college students", one white and one black, who verbally assaulted me this afternoon with a queer brand of impish, hateful disrespect and intolerable racism that took me completely by surprise. In other words, fucking with me for sport, like it was fucking FREE.

When I got down to the kitchen storm door there was a skinny white thing pointing at the sign and laughing his ass off. Then the creepy skinny-ass white "college student" (so he said) simply wouldn't take "no" for an answer when I told him I didn't want any "FREE" sample of hand sanitizer, knowing damn well that nothing in life is free. That pissed me off by the third time I said "no". This goddamn little fucking bastard had the gall to keep pointing at the sign on the door and laughing. Then he pointed at me and laughed. When I opened the door the white thing backed away from me laughing and pointing me out to the big-ass skinhead black "college student" (so they said) behind the wheel of the van. I snapped and told him to get the fuck out of here and then the eight-ball black thing behind the wheel of that van turned into a typical, white-hating nigger piece of "black trash". That's right. You got the fucking picture. Right in my own goddamn fucking driveway!

"What's you problem?!!" the black thing shouted at me from behind the wheel, too cowardly to get out of that goddamn shitmobile and confront me with his disrespect and too fucking stupid and/or ignorant to speak real English, instead of that low-life crap that low-life black people like to call Ebonics. "Don't chew know how da talk ta nobody?!!" bellowed the black blow hard blowhard. Like I hadn't been kind, courteous and patient beforehand. The fucking sonzabitches. College students, my ass. This hateful loudmouth, a fucking bald-ass nigger "black trash" gorilla, was also fucking with me in my own goddamn driveway right in my own goddamn town. Instead of respecting my "no thanks" and just leaving. That's the picture, not fucking with me in your town. And not in his town. And, nope, not in public. He was fucking with me in my own personal, private space. You follow?

That's when his public African-American ass instantly morphed into a hateful fucking nigger piece-a-black-shit. You morphed, you fucking toad, into a fucking nigger black turd, while you were disrespecting me in my own yard, you cocksucking nigger black toad, while you were also defending that hateful, skinny-ass little white-trash low-life imp who became a goddamn hateful cocksucking butt-fucked queer college kid, my ass, dick licker the very moment he started fucking with me, right at my own back kitchen door.

You goddamn fucking "college" freaks think you can hide behind the sheltered safety of your queer "diversity labels" and come to my home and not leave until you watch me damn near fall over as I tried to get back into the house to call the police. "Go ahead and call da PO-lice!" yelled the fucking nigger black turd while his cocksucking white butt-bud kept pointing at me and laughing. But you goddamn fucking cocksuckers got the fucking message, didn't you? You goddamn well better get it.

Fuck you, you hateful freaky queers dick smokers and your white-hating nigger black racist president who empowered bottom-feeding pussies like you to fuck with real Americans. Just like he does. The fucking racist pussy. He's not even a natural-born American citizen and yet he was elected President of the United States by lesbians who hate middle-aged heterosexual white men, queers pussies and niggers black racists who also hate heterosexual, aging, white men, and by criminals and perverts of all races and ethnic backgrounds and both genders, homosexual and heterosexual, who live on the fringe of American mainstream culture because they cannot and will not respect our European American Heritage and our basic American values or anyone with a lifestyle or point of view unlike theirs. Redneck fucks.

Barack O'Bama is a racist bastard who deserves to be called a fucking nigger white-hating black because his secret agenda is to kill and/or blow up white people, even white children, using anybody he can, even Russian white-trash low-life cocksuckers and hateful "towel heads" Arab jihad infidels. He entered The White House as America's first African-American President — without having legal American citizenship — and quickly morphed into the racist, hateful, nigger-black-ass pussy prez he is now. Ever since the 1970s, and especially since the day Obama started roosting in The Black White House, black Americans think the nigger word is just soooo hateful and soooo racist but — get this shit — not the words cracker, honky, Jim Bob, Jethro or White Bread.

Jim Bob, your hateful ass. Jethro, your racist ass. Homophobic, your hateful ass. I don't like snakes, either, but that doesn't mean I'm afraid I might be one. You stupid, assholes. How did you get to be so fucking dumb? Why don't you queer homo shit-asses and you queer black holes give your fucking tongues a rest and try using your brains for a change? For starters, you can shove that goddamn "White Boy" shit up your Mammoth Cave asses. Boy, your ass. Keep fucking with us "White Boys" and we'll show you what millions of exasperated "White Boys" working together can actually do.  Racism is racism and bigotry is bigotry, no matter who's on the receiving end. Isn't this post teaching you people anything yet?

And if you don't like it, then pack up your queer-ass little mouse and take a fucking hike. And I would have never written any of this if "the straw that broke the camel's back" hadn't gone down this afternoon. So, I'll use my legal right to free speech to call you two "college students" what you are, right here, because I didn't call you that when it was going down because I was just too damned shocked to believe it. Who do you fucking people think you are? My 82-year-old disabled mother lives her life in a wheelchair watching TV or staring out the window. Can you imagine what it's like for her to witness this insane shit through the kitchen window? Half of her world is what she sees out the kitchen window and I'll be goddamned if you little fucking ass-births will queer that for her. When you fuck with us you take the goddamn fucking bull by the horns. Me. And don't you ever fucking forget it.

You got it. If that skinny-ass white-trash low-life ass burger and his fat-ass mouthy nigger low-life poop pal ever try to fuck with me again in my own goddamn home, it'll be the last ignorant, disrespecful "sales pitch" those two fucking cocksuckers will ever make and you Luciferian bastards can take that any goddamn fucking way you want to. I don't give a shit anymore. Trust me. And fuck you cocksucking feds who think your fucking shit doesn't stink and that's why can put me on some kind of "list" because of my public writing. Fuck you. Outside of the cocksuckers who run the Illuminati, you goddamn lawless feds are the biggest bunch of cocksucking criminals I've ever known. If you think for one goddamn minute that I'm afraid of you sonzabitches, Jesus Christ Almighty you'd better think again.

If you fuck with me, you'll live to regret it. That's a fucking promise. And it'll all be legal, not like the criminal shit you ass-births get away with. You federal employee cocksuckers already fucked with me three times now. Who gave you goddamn cocksuckers the fucking right to mess with me? There was that infamous 1972 illegal Selective Service Draft where my number never came up but you drafted me anyway. I took the flag right up the fucking ass and that's something you never forget. Being betrayed and fucked by your own country. For hateful fun. I never got enough money together to finish college after that. You bastards got sued by the ACLU and you had to let me and 2600 other butt-fucked citizens go. We're not your property. You only think we are. You sick, twisted, criminal fucks.

Then you fucking animals took away my civil rights and my privacy with that 1995 butt-fucked FBI fiasco where some vindictive, vicious, criminal Happy Valley man-hating rug muncher lesbian (who's no doubt one of the millions of salivating, ball-busting queer homosexual bitches who worship that llama-faced pagan idol Ellen Degenerate Degeneres and who no doubt voted for that swinging black dick African-American man who now occupies The Black White House). My father had just died and I had to put my grief and my grieving mother and my life ON HOLD just so you queer homo sapien miscreants could fuck with me. You think about that. Take a minute out of your self-centered perverted lives and just think about what it might have been like to be me at that time. Like what you did to me and my mother was FREE or something. Like there are no consequences.

That's right, this nameless, faceless untouchable (untouchable, your ass) rug muncher hateful homo hag steered you pathetic couch potato FBI bozos and that ball-busting bitch show "America's Most Wanted" around by your lazy fingered assholes until you finally got the goddamn fucking picture that I never robbed a goddamn fucking bank in State College or anywhere else. You goddamn stupid fucks. And none of you even bothered to consider the damages you might cause. What? You didn't think about that or... or what?... you just didn't care? Which? Probably both. You stupid hateful fucking assholes. That's right. Happy Valley, my ass. You want to see real hatred? I give you a Happy Valley rug muncher lesbian. Born to hate. You want bonehead stupidity? You want fucking abject laziness? I give you the fucking goddamn F.B.I. Any federal agency founded and run for decades by a little fucking cross-dressing queer homo like J. Edgar Hoover couldn't have turned out any other way. Totally fucked up.

You got it. That's how far straight people haters queers cocksuckers and dykes man haters lesbians will go to hassle good people who are unlike them. Talk about a bunch of fucking rednecks. And now they think they can queer sodomize each other and call it "marriage". Jesus H. Christ. If you can't see the vile contempt for natural forces and cherished values behind this then you have no place in the human race. But I digress. Then you fed grunts probably found out that the fucking bank robber was probably a fucking cocksucking queer sodomite or a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman pretending to be a human being. Christ Almighty. Fuck you all. Happy Valley, my goddamn ass. Queer Pussy Coward Valley. LesBud Man-Hater Valley. The Valley of Hate.

You people are so goddamn sick and twisted and full of yourselves and your aberrant appetites that you let little boys get molested for years while you fuckers sucked and licked and fucked yourselves fucking silly and you thought you were all just as normal as hell. What you are is a bunch of bad asses who found yourselves on a beautiful planet and started misusing it, its true purpose and its natural forces, and everything and everyone on it, right off the bat. Hell, I know it's not everyone in that pathetic, "sheltered community" (sheltered from reality and the law) for heaven's sake but, by Christ, you see more freaks in one day in "Happy Valley, PA" than you'd ever see in one day in The Big Apple. And "that's going some", to use an old Appalachian phrase. Fuck you goddamn freaks. With someone else's dick, that is.

You goddamn Happy Valley snobs. You think your queer shit doesn't stink because you're in bed with Penn State, the institution of higher learning that betrayed us all. Think again, you stupid shits. Being dykes and queers no longer guarantees your immunity from rejection. Fuck that stupid liberal shit. And this blog post is exercising my goddamn constitutional right to reject you sick fuckers — to say "no" to your presence in my private life — and to keep you freaks away from me and what's left of my life. You want freedom? Freedom means the right to say, "Stay the fuck out of my life."

And, of course, the first time the feds butt fucked me was when I got the royal screw job from that fucking Benedict Arnold cocksucker Dwight D. Eisenhower who got America butt-fucked by the Grays for Nuclear, Laser and Slealth Technology and who also got me butt fucked criminally abused during medical experiments by the goddamn Grays (and I was just a little kid — you fucking cocksuckers) so there won't be a goddamn fucking fourth time and you can take that shit to the goddamn fucking bank. You goddamn fucking stink bugs all work for the New World Order, those Luciferian assholes whose favorite sport is fucking with good people. Not with me you don't. Not anymore. Trust me.

All I ever asked was to be left alone. It's so fucking simple and yet nobody wants to do it. Do I come to your homes and fuck with you and make fun of you and shout at you in your own yard and then refuse to leave? You bet I don't. Personally, I wouldn't go to New York City or New York State or "Happy Valley, PA" to take fucking shit but that's not the point. The point is that there are reckless cocksucking, cowardly assholes who think they can come to my home to fuck with me. And then just walk away. Or drive away. That's the goddamn point.

In addition to that, whenever I'm out in public, shopping and running errands and so on, I treat EVERYBODY with respect all the time. That's our duty as American citizens and our guarantee of public respect and safety. So, if I can do that, you can damn well stay the fuck away from me in my own home. You cocksuckers absolutely will not get the message that you cannot fuck with me and just walk away. Not anymore you don't.

That's right. This is a true goddamn story. No fucking shit.

Post edited pro re nata for additional clarity.

Escape from Everything

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

True story ahead. No shit.

Just because I'm a pissed off old coot that doesn't mean I'm crazy. What it means is that I've had it up to here with this planet's dark-ass Invisible Empire and the celestial fuckers who run it. And the earthlings and invisible midwayer beings who help them.

I'm an old man who learned how to fight back eleven years ago. With words. If you don't like it, take a fucking hike. Or, better yet, listen the fuck up.

I'm not going to lay out everything I've discovered since I've been alive about this dark-ass world, not in this blog post or any other blog post. That would take me the rest of my life. I'm just going to tell you — briefly — my own little Amityville Horror story. That's right, it's a true story. No shit. Like any other real life nightmare and they've been happening all over the world now that people are getting up off their knees and acting like men and women with minds of their own. Instead of a bunch of fucking slaves for invisible assholes who don't give a shit about any of you. Not even your children. But I do. That's why I bother.

A few years ago, the tom cat that lives with me got lazy about catching mice in the house so I got some mouse traps and set a few. One morning I saw that I'd caught one. Of course the cat got pissed but that's his problem, not mine. You follow? OK, I wasn't dressed for outside so I put the trap with the dead mouse in its deadly grip on the top back porch step, just outside the door. Well, I forgot about it until the next day. You ready for this? When I finally remembered that mouse trap the next morning and went to get it, it wasn't a mouse trap with a dead mouse in it anymore. It was a little stuffed mouse the size of the dead one in the exact same spot where I'd set the used mousetrap. The trap and the dead mouse were gone. Was I scared? Not a chance. I was pissed. But in control.

I keep a very clean house. You could eat off my kitchen floor. But this past spring little red piss ants started showing up on my kitchen counter tops. They were so tough that I had to use a paper coaster from the den bar to kill them. By pressing down real hard. If I hammered them with my fists, they kept writhing. Made me sick. And angry. Angry at them. The bugs from outer space, the little fuckers who think they created us just because they tampered with our genes. Wake up. They're getting us to kill once another all the time now  so they can watch and get off. Just like Hitler. Even worse. Fuck them.

Well, that must have made them mad. Me and a paper coaster were killing the little tormentors they'd sent my way because I never fuck with people for fun like they do. That makes them mad as hell. They like bad people, not good people. They fuck with good people. That's why they torment kids. So, they sent me black ants that only showed up on my kitchen floor. They were big and hard to kill. They drove the cat crazy. I'd stomp the ants and then gather them up with a dust pan and brush. Then the little red bastards came back on the kitchen counter tops. I sprayed the basement with ant killer, even though I'd never seen an ant down there. But the ants came back and back and back.

For over a month this past spring I cleaned and scrubbed my kitchen like a charwoman from old England while those celestial cocksuckers must have jacked off their invisible dicks and did somersaults. Like that bunch of sick, twisted, human-hating Amityville Horror fuckers did. OK, you follow? There'd be no ants anywhere so I'd leave the kitchen only long enough to set a mug of coffee down in the living room. When I came back to see if my cheese melt was done in the toaster oven there were red ants all over the counter top and black ants all over the floor. By the time I got them all killed and swept into the dustpan and dumped in the trash my coffee was cold and so was my cheese melt. And this, people, is the real reason for all of this. To fuck with me because I'm one of the good guys. Don't let it happen to you. But, if it does, fight back.

One day, after five weeks of red and black ants appearing behind my back, I happened to glance left out of the corner of my eye one day as I poured a mug of coffee from the old Proctor-Silex and there, in mid-air about a foot above the counter top, I saw a little red piss ant being formed in the air. Hell, no, there weren't any strings or cobwebs attached to it. It was a foot out from the cupboard door and five feet down from the ceiling. I'd caught those celestial cocksuckers beaming down ants into my clean kitchen. They must have unhooked that single piss ant from their transporter beam because it suddenly dropped down onto the counter top and scrambled off in search of crumbs that weren't there. Not in my kitchen. Wham! I and the trusty paper coaster got it. And that was the end of the spring ants. I'd caught old invisible rat bastards fucking with me. Caught them red-handed.

Now it's coffee spills. Oh, yeah, once in a while I spill a little coffee, like everybody else, but I usually know it. Their way of torturing me now is to watch me back away from a spotless, white kitchen counter top and go into the living room and enjoy my coffee while I watch an old taped sitcom on TV. Then I return to the kitchen and clean up coffee spills. One day soon, I'll catch them beaming the coffee down and that'll end that game and they'll start another.

And this, people, is nothing compared to what happened in Amityville, New York back in the last century. Or what happened to me and a lot of other little kids and teenagers ever since Eisenhower, the biggest Benedict Arnold president of all, told the Grays to take whatever they wanted. Earth was theirs. And you people think they can walk on water and take you to heaven. Heaven, people, is Earth, when good people act like men and women with wise minds and kind hearts and make it a nice place for everyone to live. That's how it really works. Grow up.

If enough of us do that, they'll go away forever or die because they won't be able to stand the sight of all that goodness in one place. They love the dark and they live by the lie. There is no Santa Claus. There is no Tooth Fairy. There is no Easter Bunny. There is no God. And there never was. Get over it and get used to it. We're the ones responsible for ourselves and for our evolving presence among the stars. We're part of the biggest community ever. The evolving universe. Be part of the solution. Not part of the problem.

And, yes, people. This is a true story. No shit.

White Trash Garbage

I'll be damned if these people represent the white race or White America. These low-life white-trash fuckers are an embarrassment to both. They look like two Neo-Nazi queers and their lesbian dominatrix. Looks like nothing's changed in downtown Berlin. Oh, Christ, that's right. They do this cabaret act on American TV! Right in the fucking American Heartland. Christ Almighty, I'd call this... I'd... Id' call this shit terrorism.

Jesus Christ, here's the next target for a fatal sexually-transmitted disease. Where's a fucking Josef Mengele Gray when you need one? Huh? Fuck you. I don't care if you don't like it or not. Fuck you cocksuckers. I'm not afraid of you two-legged animals or the fucking Hollywood reversible Arabs who promote you. Fuck them. They've been selling out America to the dark side for their thirty pieces of silver ever since that demon whore Linda Lovelace first pulled you sleazeball assholes by the fucking short hairs into the scum-sucking pus-pit of below-the-belt hell. You stupid fucks.

Fuck you disgusting circus freakshow assholes. And you used to make fun of Joel Grey and Liza Minnelli who looked like cartoons compared to you demon leather freaks. Bounty Hunters, my ass. You'll never be part of my life on Earth. It's bad enough here already.  It's enough to make me want to go to a planet where the only white people are clones of Ozzie & Harriet Nelson. I'd rather be bored and relaxed to death than on the verge of hurling my lunch. Jesus Christ, somebody beam me up already.

4-30-13: Ticked Off Ted says, "Ye gads! This post is alive! It's A L I V E!!! It morphed and grew today. And now I've had to break my biggest cardinal rule and write about below the waist shit. It's your fault.

You Little Fuckers

Post Updated 9-16-13 for CLARITY.

Ticked Off Ted's Great Escape

This is how I occasionally escape from reality.

Sick TV Sucks

I still can hardly believe my eyes. I thought this sick, sorry-ass world would have had just about enough of Hannibal the Cannibal by now. Apparently not. And now this sick shit is back and right there on NBC, no less, and apparently on a weekly basis. What sick shit.

I have no doubt that this twisted, sick series will be NBC's biggest hit, especially among creepy closet people who use untouchable labels to hide behind in order to feed their sick, twisted perversions. At our expense, of course. Nice people don't watch this shit. And you damn well know it.

The Romans never saw it coming (or else they didn't care). But when sick, sadistic, violent cruelty becomes your goddamn entertainment, then you are no longer fit to be part of the human race. And you goddamn well know it. Wise up or go away. The rest of us will do just fine without you.

Packaging Psucks

 

I really didn't want to make another video because I don't like being in front of a web cam. Just because I made talking videos before where I pissed and moaned about all kinds of shit doesn't mean I like to be in a video. But I made it anyway because I ran out of cigars and that made me mad enough to go bum a cigarette off a woman I used to run with and that made her mad at me and that made me madder than I already was about this stupid product packaging shit.

Plus, I was going to smoke a cigarette in the video for a "tough-guy" effect but all it did was make me cough and look like a stupid clown. So now I'm really ticked off. But you sonzabitches got the message, didn't you? All right, then.

Eleventh Hour Art Parking

I like this painting because it makes me think. The artist must have gone on a three-day drunk or something and thought he was some kind of cross between Jackson Pollock and Pablo Picasso. But who cares? Isn't art something to look at and then to either enjoy or hurl lunch over? All right, then, there you go.

Hey, I went to a New Year's Eve party myself once, in New York City, back in the late 1970s. It was in a big brownstone townhouse on what they call the "West Side" of Manhattan and somewhere between the fifties and the eighties, I can't remember which street. People, including me and my girlfriend at that time, drank champagne from paper cups and stood around or sat around while really talented people with mental or emotional problems gave incredibly talented musical performances. A 21-year-old guy played a beautiful grand piano like he was Van Cliburn or something and one woman in her sixties, wearing a dazzling blue sequined gown, belted out a couple of torchy jazz songs under a spotlight like Sophie Tucker. When I talked to her she said she was Sophie Tucker. I didn't argue with her.

When I left the party I was so moved and choked up I wanted to pull my teeth out or something. I had been at a New Year's Eve party at an exclusive mental hospital for fairly wealthy New York people. But don't get the big idea that I had experienced a touchy-feely moment or anything.

Art Park: Gravity

Don't worry, I'm not done pissin' and moanin' yet about all kinds of shit from my own shit files. But I like these little art breaks. This one will give me a little break from all the shit surrounding that "Flyman" video I put up the other day. That's right, don't talk to me about "Flyman". Come to think of it, don't talk to me about flies. I hate flies. Flies eat shit. If you see a fly outside on a hot summer day, for example, you can bet your sweet ass that it just came off a hot turd somewhere. So don't talk to me about flies. And a Flyman is even worse. I let that one use my little video studio here because I felt sorry for him. Poor bastard.

And don't ask me if this is what gravity looks like. How the hell should I know what gravity looks like? Why would I care what gravity looks like? I'm more concerned about what gravity does than what it looks like. In fact, thanks to gravity, I fall down somewhere at least once a week. Usually in front of other people. Jeezus, if you ask me, I think that's what gravity is for. To humiliate you in public. Whenever it's not making you fall on your ass in private. So don't talk to me about gravity. Unless you want to discuss the idea of using gravity as a propellant.

What do I mean "as a propellant"? Just ask any Gray. That's right, one of those goddamn black-almond-eyed bubble-headed alien bastards that Hollywood movie makers try to sell to us as cute little, harmless friends from outer space. What lying-ass shit. Fuck Hollywood. Goddamn Judas bastards. And fuck the Grays. If you want enemies, I give you the fucking Grays or any other bunch of fucking E.B.E.s. On the other hand, if you want to know all you can know about using gravity as a propellant, just ask a goddamn Gray. They're everywhere. If you can just train your eyes to see them.

Ha! Maybe then you'll be able to see gravity, too. Then you can ask one of those fucking Gray Mengele ass-reamers why they abduct children and do sick, unconscionable, unforgivable things to them. And if you can still stomach their evil, stinking presence after you hear that shit, maybe they'll tell you about Element 115. That's the "propeller" you use when you harness gravity as a "propellant".

And I'll bet you fuckers thought the only thing I knew how to do was to piss and moan. And, no, I didn't learn about gravity from any fucking Gray. The only thing I learned from them was how to scream. The Grays know that it's in their best goddamn interests to steer clear of me because I will fucking kill them if they even think about fucking with me anymore.

And fuck Eisenhower and all the pussy perverts in the U.S. Government who thought they had a right to turn me over to the fucking goddamn Grays in the 1950s and 1960s. Your cosmic law judgment day is just around the corner and you damn well deserve it and there is no escape. The living cosmos will take you out and I want to watch.

That's right. I'm not a terrified nine-year-old boy anymore with the strength of a fly to fight off the Grays and the perverted human beings who helped them. I'm a grown man now with the will and the means to send their iniquitous Gray asses to fucking Kingdom Come. And here some of you fucking rat bastards in the United Arab Emirates and in certain places of the U.S. thought I was just some old chickenshit pussy. A lot you know.