Masquerade

"The Most Patriotic Show on TV", My Ass

What's next? "Hell's Angels Do Toys For Tots" billed as "The Greatest Show On Earth"? Wake up, world. Time is running out.

Merry Christmas From Ted's Past

Back That Thing Up!

Earlier today I read this unbelievable online news story about a United Nations proposal, strongly supported by France, that would grant "nonmember observer status" to The Palestinian Authority? What the ...? Hold the phone. I mean, whoa, whoa, whoa, back up!

France, Russia and China want the U.N. to give The Palestinian Authority "nonmember observer status", do they? Oooh, I'm all a-quiver. OK, how about giving my local Water Authority "nonmember observer status"? They need water input at the U.N., don't they?

Hey, I'm not a member of Congress, either, but I want to sit in on all the House activities and watch. Why not? Tit for tat. The United Nations is a diplomatic body of "nations". The Palestinian Authority is not a nation. What's next? Giving Hamas and Fatas and hell, why not, Amsterdam's Red Light District, U.N. "nonmember observer status" as well, for their up-close-and-personal world perspectives?

And while we're at it, the girl at the local Burger King drive-thru wants her fair share of U.N. sit-down time, too. Give it her. And, hey, my neighbor's dog, Phydough, has always loved international dog food so... and so on and so forth. Hell, why dontcha exhume the bodies of Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden and give them a special U.N. hot seat, too? Damn, I need a shot and a beer and then an aisle seat in the U.N. like I need another hole in the head but why not? Why the hell not?

Giveitome.

Editor's Note October 28, 2013: All written blog posts by Michael Casher are Copyright © Michael Casher. All rights reserved. Most of the textual blog post content by Michael Casher will eventually be available in printed book form and Kindle ebooks, whether or not Michael Casher is alive at the time. That's our plan. Thank you.

Cyber Monday, My Ass

Why don't you ad rats just call it what it really is? Black Friday + 3. Some people might get the wrong impression and think that "Cyber Monday" is some new kind of way to get all community oriented and quiver all over from the sheer touchy-feeliness of the whole thing. Since 2005 a lot of people have been fooled into thinking that they're going to "reach out and touch" others online, just like the old Bell Telephone gimmick from the 20th Century. Reach out and touch, my ass. The only thing good about Cyber Monday is that when people shop in droves online they don't stampede and trample other shoppers or store employees to death. So, at least there's that.

That's right, Cyber Monday, my ass. What it is, you dumb asses, is just another way for suckers like you to empty your wallets and your bank accounts and to max out your credit cards in order to buy shit online that you probably don't need and only want because you think it's such a bargain. Man, did they ever see you suckers coming. "Never give a sucker an even break because there's one born every minute nanosecond." That's their motto.

It's None of Your "Bidness"

Yeah, yeah. Here I am again — and twice in one month, now, mind you — pissin' and moanin' about something that's only "my bidness" today because it's never "your bidness" at any time. Not ever. What am I talking about? Whaddaya think I'm yappin' about? I'm trying to impress upon a hopelessly screwed-up American population that the private lives of other people are none of your goddamn business. Especially the legal sex lives of others, no matter who they are. That stuff is none of your business. You only think it is.

I can't believe everybody's all up in arms about David Petreaus having an affair with his biographer. What the hell do you people care about that shit for? If the head of the CIA puts his tallywhacker where it doesn't belong or where you think it doesn't belong, what the hell is that to you? What he does with his thing-a-ma-jig is his own "bidness". And none of yours. You sick-ass snoops. That goes for newspeople and newshounds alike. People like you turn everything in life into a low-life soap. You don't think it's news unless it's dirty.

And, for the love of Mike, why in God's name should that be any reason for David Petreaus to resign his post as CIA Director? Shouldn't he have resigned his position because he was a CIA clown who had no clue what to do in the Middle East? Huh? I'm serious. Because of our stupid, clueless "spook boss" and an equally clueless Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, our U.S. Embassy in Tripoli Benghazi, Libya (Are you paying attention now?) is now a big pile of ashes. That's why people resign or get fired. For fucking up. Not for playing in-and-out on their own time, no matter who's on the giving or receiving end.

By the way, what the hell is Hillary Rodham Clinton still doing in office? Fire her and give her job to someone else. Hell, Madeline Allbright could have done a better job in the Middle East. As a matter of fact, she did do a better job. Hell, all Henry Kissinger ever did was blab and party but no one ever blew up a U.S. Emabassy when he was partying and blabbing as Secretary of State.  And nobody ever made a big deal about what Henry did with his goddamn tallywhacker. But I digress.

And just because you voted for some guy doesn't entitle you to peek at his dirty laundry, either. If he can't watch his personal Ps and Qs, that's one thing, but for you slimeballs to make national and even international headlines out of it is not only a downright dirty rotten shame, it tells the world where your heads are at. When your heads aren't up your own asses admiring the view you're more than willing to stick it up somebody else's ass where the view is a lot more interesting for shit eaters like you. A gross analogy, is it? You bet it is. The only thing that'll pull a dirty mind above its pinhead is the sound of an interesting dirty word. Here's a few more for you: sticking your filthy-minded noses where they don't belong only makes the people you're pointing your arrogant fingers at look like victims compared to pricks and bitches like you. You, you, you dirty perpetrating poop snoopers. Now look what you made me say.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt had a mistress and yet he was one of the most popular leaders this country ever had. Jack Kennedy's love life had a revolving door on it but he was the most visionary president this country ever had or is likely to ever have again. Martin Luther King fooled around and yet most of his followers never complained that his "indiscretions" diminished or impaired his bold vision of an America that worked together for the common good. Bill Clinton made a fool out of himself right in the Oval Office but he only disgraced it when a certain little gold-digging bimbo capitalized on it and American rag-readers wolfed that shit down by the bucketfuls like it was manna from Heaven.

That's right, you snooping, soap-loving, dirty-minded "citizens" had a very capable president impeached — a guy that many of you even voted for — simply because you found out that he did something very personal that you didn't like. Which makes all of you about the biggest bunch of sorry-ass rednecks in the world. If it's not what you like then you lash out like a big lynch mob, not caring who you hurt or about the damage you do in the process. Hell, it's even been rumored that Abraham Lincoln had a mistress when he was president and, you know what, I don't even want to know about it. He could have had ten of them for all I cared. His private affairs were none of my business. Just his public ones.

So, just to get your flagging attention once again, I'll spice up my closing remarks. Who cares if some elected official or any military officer or any guy on any taxpayer payroll anywhere checks into a no-tell motel after hours with another woman on his arm? Who gives a shit if some army general ten thousand miles from home gets real up close and personal with some admiring female? What's it to ya? Why should you get your panties or your shorts in a big twist if some guy you voted for (or didn't vote for) bends some gal over a desk when nobody's looking? She's not your gal. He's not your guy. It's not your desk. It's not your tallywhacker. That's the whole point. Nobody was there but them. It's all about them and their shit. It's not about you and your shit. Therefore, it's their business and none of yours. 

Am I saying that I approve of marital infidelity? Of course I don't. But that's not the point. The point is that I never make other people's marital fidelity or infidelity my business because I have no business doing that. And, to tell you the truth I don't even think about things like that. I've got other fish to fry and always did. Like minding my own business. So, I may not watch my Ps and Qs around here (and you were warned about that far in advance) but one thing I can be proud of is the fact that I don't get all pissed and PO'd at public figures or all hot and bothered, either, when those sorry-ass excuses for newsmen and newswomen mentally masturbate over their soaring ratings because shitheads like you discovered a new, sick kind of personal gratification. Peeking, prying and pointing. And none of it was any of your "bidness" in the first place.

Ted's Note 11-29-12: I updated the last two paragraph today to "drive my point home", if you will. And yeah, I see that the URL for this post still says "none-of-you-bidness" instead of "none-of-your-bidness" and it wasn't deliberate at all. In my haste to straighten out a few asses I accidentally left the "r" off the word "your" in the post title and Blogger carved that first URL in stone. Shit. Looks dumb as hell but, no, I'm not re-posting it, even though I could. Also, I used the improper word "bidness" in place of "business" because I knew at least a half dozen people in my life who talked like that and most of them did it just for fun. Like me. OK, then, just so you know.

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A Message From Ticked Off Ted

Pussy Politics Psuck

You bet I'm back. But not on a regular basis. I've got better things to do than piss and moan about shit that nobody gives a shit about. Like America being a country where American citizens come first. Before pathetic losers who come here to steal American jobs and not pay taxes when they get paid by their cheapskate, candyass American bosses who are too fucking cheap to hire real Americans (American citizens) and who have little or no regard for the welfare of the sorry-ass losers who sneaked into this country. What a low-life symbiotic relationship.

Thats right, America is for Americans. Not for foreigners who crawled into The United States like snakes or who agreed to visit here or to work here temporarily or to go to school here and then who went back on their word because they really have no respect for America or Americans in the first place. People like these hate us. But they love our stuff. They wouldn't think of doing the right thing. Except for kissing our President's Benedict Arnold ass for favors down the road. They wouldn't think of doing the right thing. And neither would he. Barack Obama doesn't even care if you're an American citizen or not when it comes to voting. What insane bullshit. Only U.S. citizens should get to vote In U.S. elections. I don't care how goddamn long you've been living here. If want to vote in American elections, become an American citizen and maintain your ID cards. The rest of us do.

The right thing. Become American citizens or take a fucking hike. We're not saying we don't want you here. We're saying if you want to be one of us, play by the goddamn rules. Then we'll make sure the rest of us do. We'd owe you that much for wanting to become one of us. Mitt Romney will help see to that if he gets to be president. I'll vouch for that. The governor of Arizona will vouch for that. On the other hand, Barack Obama will keep kissing your pathetic asses and he'll keep holding your hands and singing "We Are The World" with you as long as it's in his best interest. His best interest? Playing Santa Claus to a loser American nation that is rapidly becoming "a nanny state". One day you'll make him King. And then America will be history.

Nanny State. Christ. That's what the Soviet Union was. That's what Cuba is. That's that's what North Korea and China are. Nanny States. Countries where the government owns you because your sorry asses were up for sale. Up for sale. Yep, you put yourselves on the auction block every time you refuse to stand on your own two feet or to pull yourselves up by your own bootstraps when things get dicey and you lose your shirt. That's what life is all about. The struggle to live.

So, Barack Obama isn't Santa Claus or God or Mr. Fix It and Mitt Romney isn't The Dreaded White Devil, either (you goddamn pussy racists). Hell, no man or woman can "fix" the economy on their own. That's our job. You know how it works. You know the drill. Do it and stop whining and crying and bitching about it. If there is a God (and, by Christ, I certainly hope there isn't, because if there is a God, that son-of-a-bitch has a lot of goddamn explaining to do) but, if there is a God, I'd bet a hundred bucks that he or she or it wouldn't want a bunch of cowardly, sniveling pussies to have to deal with all the time. A bunch of layabouts who think they're entitled to "the good life" simply because they walk on American soil. Nobody's that fucking important. So, get over it. Become an American citizen and then act like one. Get a job. Learn to speak English. Get out and vote. You'll thank me later.      

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