Warning! This blog contains very strong language and shocking opinions. Read at your own risk.
That means don't whine and cry to us tomorrow about what the hell you see and read here today.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Ted The Email Snoop Dog

They control the vertical. They control the horizontal. They control the bandwidth. So they say. But, hey, I might be a ticked-off old lub from Appalachia but I know how to reach out into cyberspace and grab some goodies myself. So I do.

You bet I did because everybody's doing it. So, yeah, check this goddamn shit out. I cyber-nabbed a really dumb-ass but potentially suspicious-looking email message and its subsequent reply the other day and I want to share it with the world because my snoop doggie dogshit might go fucking viral and then I could be rolling in dough.

At the very least, I might earn enough snoop money from Uncle Sam's taxpayers to buy myself what every male on this fucking planet seems to want: fancy clothes, fast cars, hotel rooms and whores. So, if you even think about claiming these two pirated emails as your own snoopy dog shit I'll find you and hit you in your thievin', fuckin' head. As you can clearly see, time (e.g. post dates and post times) means nothing because everything in the universe is actually taking place at the same time. Trust me.

So, yeah, check this shit out, will ya? Christ, ol' Snoop Dog Bama and all those Jon Voight and Jack Black types at the NSA must be shitting in their goddamn fucking pants with lyin'-ass-dog anticipation. The Big 9 TechShit Firms (AOL, Apple, Facebook, Google, Microsoft, PalTalk, Skype, Yahoo and YouTube) are all frantically denying any involvement in PRISM, just like the lying-ass snoop dogs they've always been.

Names and email addresses were withheld for security reasons. And if you believe that I'll tell you another one.

The originating email message:


Jesus, Mike, Ronnie it looks like ol' Jon Voight won! Those NSA cocksuckers (hi, guys) have been reading our email and going through our phone records like queer sailors on a three-day drunk. Fuck them, I say. You're the only person I ever send and receive email from and you're ME! Oh, Jesus, Frank Burns, do you think the principal SAW us?

Poor ol' Ed Snowden will be up to his ankles in his own piss and blood when the jack-booted thugs those NSA ass worms use against us U.S. citizens break down his hotel door in Hong Kong and whisk him off to Cairo. If you can believe anything a former CIA tekkie says.

Mike, Ronnie you can bet your sweet ass that the ol' NSA poop dogs will do their dirty work just like The Pennsylvania State Police troopers do their highway patrolling. They'll let all the really bad people go by them at a bazillion miles-per-hour, toting all kinds of bad shit between L.A. and New York (and back) and then they'll come down way too hard on ol' mom and pop dragging their tired asses home from work a mile over the speed limit in their rusty Chevy. 

Nothing ever changes on planet Earth because there is no god and never was and never will be. Just celestials, midwayers, those Illuminati shitheads in their Armani suits and seven billion fuckheads who only care about themselves. Why don't we fit it?

When you figure that out, you old geezer, drop me a line. Be sure to say hi to the NSA-ers. By the way, the calico cat died and I need Purina chow to look at for some boo-hoo Hallmark memories. Bye.

Best reagrds,
You

The reply:


Christ, Mike, Ronnie you know I don't know nothin'. But my guess is that we don't fit in down here because our link to the real powers-that-be goes way beyond Earth's stinking stratosphere. You know we're the spotters for King Karma here. Judgment day is just around the corner but we won't be here. I've got this little condo on Uranus if you're interested.

Christ in a can, I'd rather be anyplace else. Even on Uranus, where Nuns bowling for dollars and Senator Tossing is illegal but the hottest sport in town because of all the illegal sports betting. Oh, yeah, my calico cat died too and I had to watch Little House on the Prairie on Hallmark for two hours and not cry before I got over it. No Google Adsense pussycat ads this time around, either. I think they gave up on us. Say hi to those queers and lesbians who run things your way if you can get past their fucking stench.

Here's looking up your old address. Or, better yet, I'll just let ol' Google Puss hand it over to the NSA so they can all get free blowjobs from each other at the LAX Marriott in exchange for their highly popular bad-boy treason shit. Say, isn't that where that liberal-ass Hollywood turd Bob De Niro capped that fake-o, macho, haired-up homo hit man?

Bye,
You

Jesus, I wonder who these two jaspers are and why they think they're each other. Not to worry, though. Gene Hackman and Will Smith will straighten everything out for us and then we'll all be just as snug as a bunch of bugs in a rug. So we think.

Snoop Doggie Doo: Verizon Poo-Poo

Click on the colorful Snoop Doggies for Verizon Poo-Poo News

Click here for more NSA Snoop Doggie Shit. I guess we should have taken the movie "Enemy of the State" with Jon Voight, Gene Hackman and Will Smith a little more seriously. Don't you think?

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Morning Joe Sucks

My Contact Message to the "Morning Joe" show 5-28-13:

"I saw something this morning that I absolutely could NOT believe. Was it interesting? Not very. Was it funny? Not at all. Was it odd? You bet it was. Odd, sad, disturbing, disgusting, horrifying and maddening. No, I don't have a video clip. You're the clip, Joe, you and your hideous gang of "Roman Centurions" crucifying the Mayor of Toronto like twisted, sick spectators and then YOU LAUGHED when the poor guy ran into a big-ass camera lens in the corridor (another in-your-face freak who didn't stop or apologize to the mayor). 

The unfortunate man GOT HURT, you freaks, and his accident and physical pain ENTERTAINED you. Who do you people think you are? What you are is an embarrassment to the human race. In his worst day, The Mayor of Toronto couldn't begin to present a more horrible example of a twisted, perverted mind than the five of you. You should be ashamed. But my guess is that you're all so full of yourselves that pride is all you feel. Too bad for America and too bad for us all."

That's right, it took me a few days to finally put up and then complete this post because I have better things to do with my goddamn time than tell you a true life story about my trying to find some real fucking "news" on TV when all that's left of broadcast journalism are blowhard celebrity spout-offs like that fucking "Morning Joe". And, no, I don't watch MSNBC, CNN, Fox News, and that Robin what's-her-face on CNN Headline News because I can't stand the "rack rack" sound today's TV newswomen make. Plus, Robin, is it?, is not a newswoman. She's just trying to be "hot". Been there and done that, too many times. For me, that's yesterday's shit. Thank heavens for that.

Yep. I'm an old fart who wants "news" and that juvenile, "Oh, yeaaaah!" of hers just doesn't cut it for me. In fact, it makes me want to hurl. Oh yeah, Robin, where are the male news anchors? You remember men don't you? Those swinging dicks you bitches used to like? You know, before Ellen Degenerate Degeneres took over the Obamanation America and made most white, heterosexual men obsolete? That's right, you ball-busting bitches (sorry, but this stupid fucking cliche actually fits) have ruined daytime TV. Period. And "cable news" today sounds like a "Mars Attacks" soundtrack run through a Vox synthesizer. Rack rack. Rack. RACK rack!

So, I accidentally heard a man's voice as I thumbed the remote and I stopped on this "Morning Joe" deal because I thought I'd somehow gone back in time. I thought Chet Huntley or Roger Mudd might suddenly appear out of a wormhole or something and tell me some news. Or at least Dan Rather, or maybe Tom Brokaw. But, no, it was this stupid "men's shit" show and they were whipping up a lot of hate against The Mayor of Toronto. When I saw what was going down I immediately took the side of the Toronto mayor.

The Mayor of Toronto could have been a contract killer from Vancouver, for all I cared, merely pretending to be the Mayor of Toronto, Ontario, and I would have still rooted for him simply because of Joe Scarborough and his aging rat pack of over-baked yuppie movers and haters. What a bunch of circus clowns. Only they weren't funny at all. Then I wondered what the hell that blonde woman was doing on a man's show like "Morning Joe". If anything, looking at her made it easier to endure this sick parody of television news and commentary. What I saw were four middle-aged men shitting themselves with blowhard pride and patting themselves and each other on the back while the Mayor of Toronto entertained them by  mashing his nose into a girlie man's snooping camera snout (thank you, Arnold Schwarzenegger). What a bunch of pricks.

Jesus, I would have given just about anything to have been able to change the channel and find Diane Sawyer or Jessica Savitch or Barbara Woodruff or even Barbara Walters telling me how it was. Even that damn Democrat liberal Walter Cronkite. But, no, I was stuck in the present. It was either that Asshole Joe and His Gang of Anal Donuts or else that goddamn ridiculous Rack rack. Rack. RACK rack! shit. So I turned off the fucking TV and walked behind the mower awhile. I'd rather have my brain fried by the hot sun — any day — than have it filled with TV newshound shit. After all, dog shit is still dog shit and dog shit can never become news, no matter how long or how hard they try to feed it to you.

And, up yours, vampirestat.com and adsensewatchdog.com for trying to get me to click on your fake-ass referrer spam links in my Traffic stats. Basement-dwelling freaks who love smoking midwayer pole like you make assholes like Joe Scarborough look... well... almost human in comparison.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

The Last Straw

That's right. You're smart. You got it. That's the fucking concept. Fuck you. Which is a pejorative and figurative term that's the equivalent of "eat shit and die, you goddamn piece of garbage."

And, that's right, it basically applies to just about everyone who's enjoyed misusing me for their own whimsical, hateful amusement, including the two cocksuckers who verbally attacked me like it was FREE early this afternoon at my own goddamn back door and in my own fucking driveway.

Well, you two circus freaks got away with one because I couldn't get to you fuckers on my partially-paralyzed legs. Lucky you. Now, I'll make this story as brief as I can because it already tastes like shit in my mouth.

Early this afternoon a strange van bearing New York tags barreled down my driveway and I went to the back door to make sure that, if it was a salesman, "they" (an incorrect but acceptable anaphoric pronoun commonly used in modern American English)  got the correct message from the polite note on my back door which said, "If You're Selling We're Not Buying". I was encouraged to put that up by my 82-year-old mother, who spends her days in a wheelchair and who lives with me, after people just wouldn't take "no" for an answer. Who gives these cocksuckers their fucking peddler's licenses anyway? Can't they see what assholes they are?

My mother thought that anybody with half a mind and any human decency would just go away and leave us alone. Most people would think that, including me. But not these two "college students", one white and one black, who verbally assaulted me this afternoon with a queer brand of impish, hateful disrespect and intolerable racism that took me completely by surprise. In other words, fucking with me for sport, like it was fucking FREE.

When I got down to the kitchen storm door there was a skinny white thing pointing at the sign and laughing his ass off. Then the creepy skinny-ass white "college student" (so he said) simply wouldn't take "no" for an answer when I told him I didn't want any "FREE" sample of hand sanitizer, knowing damn well that nothing in life is free. That pissed me off by the third time I said "no". This goddamn little fucking bastard had the gall to keep pointing at the sign on the door and laughing. Then he pointed at me and laughed. When I opened the door the white thing backed away from me laughing and pointing me out to the big-ass skinhead black "college student" (so they said) behind the wheel of the van. I snapped and told him to get the fuck out of here and then the eight-ball black thing behind the wheel of that van turned into a typical, white-hating nigger piece of "black trash". That's right. You got the fucking picture. Right in my own goddamn fucking driveway!

"What's you problem?!!" the black thing shouted at me from behind the wheel, too cowardly to get out of that goddamn shitmobile and confront me with his disrespect and too fucking stupid and/or ignorant to speak real English, instead of that low-life crap that low-life black people like to call Ebonics. "Don't chew know how da talk ta nobody?!!" bellowed the black blow hard blowhard. Like I hadn't been kind, courteous and patient beforehand. The fucking sonzabitches. College students, my ass. This hateful loudmouth, a fucking bald-ass nigger "black trash" gorilla, was also fucking with me in my own goddamn driveway right in my own goddamn town. Instead of respecting my "no thanks" and just leaving. That's the picture, not fucking with me in your town. And not in his town. And, nope, not in public. He was fucking with me in my own personal, private space. You follow?

That's when his public African-American ass instantly morphed into a hateful fucking nigger piece-a-black-shit. You morphed, you fucking toad, into a fucking nigger black turd, while you were disrespecting me in my own yard, you cocksucking nigger black toad, while you were also defending that hateful, skinny-ass little white-trash low-life imp who became a goddamn hateful cocksucking butt-fucked queer college kid, my ass, dick licker the very moment he started fucking with me, right at my own back kitchen door.

You goddamn fucking "college" freaks think you can hide behind the sheltered safety of your queer "diversity labels" and come to my home and not leave until you watch me damn near fall over as I tried to get back into the house to call the police. "Go ahead and call da PO-lice!" yelled the fucking nigger black turd while his cocksucking white butt-bud kept pointing at me and laughing. But you goddamn fucking cocksuckers got the fucking message, didn't you? You goddamn well better get it.

Fuck you, you hateful freaky queers dick smokers and your white-hating nigger black racist president who empowered bottom-feeding pussies like you to fuck with real Americans. Just like he does. The fucking racist pussy. He's not even a natural-born American citizen and yet he was elected President of the United States by lesbians who hate middle-aged heterosexual white men, queers pussies and niggers black racists who also hate heterosexual, aging, white men, and by criminals and perverts of all races and ethnic backgrounds and both genders, homosexual and heterosexual, who live on the fringe of American mainstream culture because they cannot and will not respect our European American Heritage and our basic American values or anyone with a lifestyle or point of view unlike theirs. Redneck fucks.

Barack O'Bama is a racist bastard who deserves to be called a fucking nigger white-hating black because his secret agenda is to kill and/or blow up white people, even white children, using anybody he can, even Russian white-trash low-life cocksuckers and hateful "towel heads" Arab jihad infidels. He entered The White House as America's first African-American President — without having legal American citizenship — and quickly morphed into the racist, hateful, nigger-black-ass pussy prez he is now. Ever since the 1970s, and especially since the day Obama started roosting in The Black White House, black Americans think the nigger word is just soooo hateful and soooo racist but — get this shit — not the words cracker, honky, Jim Bob, Jethro or White Bread.

Jim Bob, your hateful ass. Jethro, your racist ass. Homophobic, your hateful ass. I don't like snakes, either, but that doesn't mean I'm afraid I might be one. You stupid, assholes. How did you get to be so fucking dumb? Why don't you queer homo shit-asses and you queer black holes give your fucking tongues a rest and try using your brains for a change? For starters, you can shove that goddamn "White Boy" shit up your Mammoth Cave asses. Boy, your ass. Keep fucking with us "White Boys" and we'll show you what millions of exasperated "White Boys" working together can actually do.  Racism is racism and bigotry is bigotry, no matter who's on the receiving end. Isn't this post teaching you people anything yet?

And if you don't like it, then pack up your queer-ass little mouse and take a fucking hike. And I would have never written any of this if "the straw that broke the camel's back" hadn't gone down this afternoon. So, I'll use my legal right to free speech to call you two "college students" what you are, right here, because I didn't call you that when it was going down because I was just too damned shocked to believe it. Who do you fucking people think you are? My 82-year-old disabled mother lives her life in a wheelchair watching TV or staring out the window. Can you imagine what it's like for her to witness this insane shit through the kitchen window? Half of her world is what she sees out the kitchen window and I'll be goddamned if you little fucking ass-births will queer that for her. When you fuck with us you take the goddamn fucking bull by the horns. Me. And don't you ever fucking forget it.

You got it. If that skinny-ass white-trash low-life ass burger and his fat-ass mouthy nigger low-life poop pal ever try to fuck with me again in my own goddamn home, it'll be the last ignorant, disrespecful "sales pitch" those two fucking cocksuckers will ever make and you Luciferian bastards can take that any goddamn fucking way you want to. I don't give a shit anymore. Trust me. And fuck you cocksucking feds who think your fucking shit doesn't stink and that's why can put me on some kind of "list" because of my public writing. Fuck you. Outside of the cocksuckers who run the Illuminati, you goddamn lawless feds are the biggest bunch of cocksucking criminals I've ever known. If you think for one goddamn minute that I'm afraid of you sonzabitches, Jesus Christ Almighty you'd better think again.

If you fuck with me, you'll live to regret it. That's a fucking promise. And it'll all be legal, not like the criminal shit you ass-births get away with. You federal employee cocksuckers already fucked with me three times now. Who gave you goddamn cocksuckers the fucking right to mess with me? There was that infamous 1972 illegal Selective Service Draft where my number never came up but you drafted me anyway. I took the flag right up the fucking ass and that's something you never forget. Being betrayed and fucked by your own country. For hateful fun. I never got enough money together to finish college after that. You bastards got sued by the ACLU and you had to let me and 2600 other butt-fucked citizens go. We're not your property. You only think we are. You sick, twisted, criminal fucks.

Then you fucking animals took away my civil rights and my privacy with that 1995 butt-fucked FBI fiasco where some vindictive, vicious, criminal Happy Valley man-hating rug muncher lesbian (who's no doubt one of the millions of salivating, ball-busting queer homosexual bitches who worship that llama-faced pagan idol Ellen Degenerate Degeneres and who no doubt voted for that swinging black dick African-American man who now occupies The Black White House). My father had just died and I had to put my grief and my grieving mother and my life ON HOLD just so you queer homo sapien miscreants could fuck with me. You think about that. Take a minute out of your self-centered perverted lives and just think about what it might have been like to be me at that time. Like what you did to me and my mother was FREE or something. Like there are no consequences.

That's right, this nameless, faceless untouchable (untouchable, your ass) rug muncher hateful homo hag steered you pathetic couch potato FBI bozos and that ball-busting bitch show "America's Most Wanted" around by your lazy fingered assholes until you finally got the goddamn fucking picture that I never robbed a goddamn fucking bank in State College or anywhere else. You goddamn stupid fucks. And none of you even bothered to consider the damages you might cause. What? You didn't think about that or... or what?... you just didn't care? Which? Probably both. You stupid hateful fucking assholes. That's right. Happy Valley, my ass. You want to see real hatred? I give you a Happy Valley rug muncher lesbian. Born to hate. You want bonehead stupidity? You want fucking abject laziness? I give you the fucking goddamn F.B.I. Any federal agency founded and run for decades by a little fucking cross-dressing queer homo like J. Edgar Hoover couldn't have turned out any other way. Totally fucked up.

You got it. That's how far straight people haters queers cocksuckers and dykes man haters lesbians will go to hassle good people who are unlike them. Talk about a bunch of fucking rednecks. And now they think they can queer sodomize each other and call it "marriage". Jesus H. Christ. If you can't see the vile contempt for natural forces and cherished values behind this then you have no place in the human race. But I digress. Then you fed grunts probably found out that the fucking bank robber was probably a fucking cocksucking queer sodomite or a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman pretending to be a human being. Christ Almighty. Fuck you all. Happy Valley, my goddamn ass. Queer Pussy Coward Valley. LesBud Man-Hater Valley. The Valley of Hate.

You people are so goddamn sick and twisted and full of yourselves and your aberrant appetites that you let little boys get molested for years while you fuckers sucked and licked and fucked yourselves fucking silly and you thought you were all just as normal as hell. What you are is a bunch of bad asses who found yourselves on a beautiful planet and started misusing it, its true purpose and its natural forces, and everything and everyone on it, right off the bat. Hell, I know it's not everyone in that pathetic, "sheltered community" (sheltered from reality and the law) for heaven's sake but, by Christ, you see more freaks in one day in "Happy Valley, PA" than you'd ever see in one day in The Big Apple. And "that's going some", to use an old Appalachian phrase. Fuck you goddamn freaks. With someone else's dick, that is.

You goddamn Happy Valley snobs. You think your queer shit doesn't stink because you're in bed with Penn State, the institution of higher learning that betrayed us all. Think again, you stupid shits. Being dykes and queers no longer guarantees your immunity from rejection. Fuck that stupid liberal shit. And this blog post is exercising my goddamn constitutional right to reject you sick fuckers — to say "no" to your presence in my private life — and to keep you freaks away from me and what's left of my life. You want freedom? Freedom means the right to say, "Stay the fuck out of my life."

And, of course, the first time the feds butt fucked me was when I got the royal screw job from that fucking Benedict Arnold cocksucker Dwight D. Eisenhower who got America butt-fucked by the Grays for Nuclear, Laser and Slealth Technology and who also got me butt fucked criminally abused during medical experiments by the goddamn Grays (and I was just a little kid — you fucking cocksuckers) so there won't be a goddamn fucking fourth time and you can take that shit to the goddamn fucking bank. You goddamn fucking stink bugs all work for the New World Order, those Luciferian assholes whose favorite sport is fucking with good people. Not with me you don't. Not anymore. Trust me.

All I ever asked was to be left alone. It's so fucking simple and yet nobody wants to do it. Do I come to your homes and fuck with you and make fun of you and shout at you in your own yard and then refuse to leave? You bet I don't. Personally, I wouldn't go to New York City or New York State or "Happy Valley, PA" to take fucking shit but that's not the point. The point is that there are reckless cocksucking, cowardly assholes who think they can come to my home to fuck with me. And then just walk away. Or drive away. That's the goddamn point.

In addition to that, whenever I'm out in public, shopping and running errands and so on, I treat EVERYBODY with respect all the time. That's our duty as American citizens and our guarantee of public respect and safety. So, if I can do that, you can damn well stay the fuck away from me in my own home. You cocksuckers absolutely will not get the message that you cannot fuck with me and just walk away. Not anymore you don't.

That's right. This is a true goddamn story. No fucking shit.

Post edited pro re nata for additional clarity.