Ellis Wanderly: The Lost Video

A week ago I made a video with my cowboy wannabe cousin, Tic Tickedofferson, and it "went south" almost immediately because he was so mean and nasty. Tic said it "went south" because I was so mean and nasty. So, I posted the damn thing anyway so viewers (if there were any) could make up their own minds about it.

Hell, I was so sure that the video with Tic was ruined because of him and not me that I invited an old high-school chum of mine, Ellison Ian Wanderly, to do a short video about extraterrestrials. My little "studio" was still a mess after Tic had wrecked it a week earlier with his big beer belly but most of the equipment was still in good enough shape to video Ellis Wanderly, whose high-pitched, squeaky voice wouldn't sound all that different on the broken, tinnny mike Tic Tickedofferson left in his wake.

When the video with Ellis started "going south" he naturally blamed it on me and then proceeded to show me what an old egghead beekeeper from California's Santa Barbara County can do when he's pushed too far. I was impressed. Damn, I had no idea. Anyway, this "lost video" is my tribute to Ellis Ian Wanderly, the beekeeper you never want to mess with.

Tic Tickedofferson

Author's Notice 10-18-13: Hey, Blogger or Google, (what's the difference?), you can go screw yourself for cutting my videos in half, for dumping them, for making me re-upload them every year or so, just because they're not the kind of sick, twisted, crap that disrespects and devalues human life. That's what you have YouTube for. So, keep your paws off my video posts. And you know goddamn well you can't watch this video on YouTube because I never put it there. You re-directing sonzabitches. Go cornhole yourselves.

Ted On Fire

Eating Dogshit in America

Hats off t0 McDonald's for having the courage to make a bold statement about the dangers of petting a stray pit bull (or any fucking pit bull for that matter). And fuck you pit bull lovers who think you assholes and your stupid carnivore pets are immune from criticism. People, like me, who think freedom should include the right to be safe from dogs in public have a right to our dissent, too. Pit bull owner outrage? I couldn't believe my fucking eyes! You pathetic assholes. Your dogs are a menace to society and you goddamn well know it.

So, you're outraged, are you? Fuck you. The real outrage is that America would be a lot safer without dangerous domestic carnivores in our fucking faces. You fucking pussies. Maybe you'll sue McDonald's for a million bucks just like that stupid old hag did back in the 1980s after she spilled a cup of coffee on herself at McDonald's and then blamed McDonald's for not warning her that the coffee was hot. Stupid bitch. I hope that gold-digging hag got run over by a fucking bus.

I'm serious. I've had it with you goddamn fucking people. Who in the fuck do you think you are? Jesus Christ, there's a goddamn whining-ass support group for every disaffected asswipe on this goddamn fucking planet and now people who own the ugliest, meanest, most dangerous dogs on the goddamn planet want us to kiss their fucking asses. Well, fuck you. When your fucking dogs bite people you both should be euthanized.

Just last week a 61-year-old Chicago man was attacked by three pit bulls as he jogged through a park. Now he only has one foot to face retirement with. Yeah, the fucking dogs had his foot for lunch while he lay there, helpless, enduring this stupid, hideous, horrifying, painful, agonizing unnecessary shit. Where was the fucking pit bull owner? You cryin'-ass piece of dog shit. If I ran this fucking planet you'd all be extinct.

Hooray for McDonald's! America is all about freedom of speech and that includes freedom of speech for everyone, not just a select few. So, hey, don't apologize anymore to these namby-pamby pit bull fuckheads. Let these stupid "me-first" bastards eat at Burger King, where they can have it "their way".