It's To Laugh

Jumpin' Jeezus, whatever happened to free speech in America? Free speech was intended for all American citizens, not just a select few whiners who have a bug up their asses 24/7. Losers who expect everyone else to listen to their pathetic complaints about life in general and then the listeners are supposed to just be quiet and then later listen to more of this whining, crying shit? Hey, wake up America! That's not freedom of speech. That's a whiner's and a loser's paradise. America wasn't founded by a bunch of whiners and losers.

A case in point is all the ridiculous hubbub about conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh and the whining public's demand that he apologize to Sandra Fluke for insulting her on the air because she wants to testify at a Congressional hearing supporting an Obama Administration policy that requires religion-affiliated institutions to provide health care coverage for their employees that covers birth control. Wow. You gotta run that shit through your head several times before it gels.

OK, so what does all this have to do with Georgetown University student Sandra Fluke? Is she also an employee? And, I'm sorry, but Rush Limbaugh — offensive prick that he is — is right. Why should any tax dollars ever be used to support any kind of sexual activity in the private sector? Or any other sector, for that matter. That's right. Buy your own birth control pills. Get your own rubbers. Or, better yet, try celibacy. It'll save us all a lot of fucking money and a lot of whining-ass heartache in the long run.

So, when Rush Limbaugh called Sandra Fluke a "slut" and a "prostitute" for being "paid" to have sex (by using tax dollars to fund her health coverage that included coverage for birth control) and then suggested that she post videos of herself making whoopee online so that American taxpayers can get something for their money, he was being flippant. It was an ugly but very poignant joke. Sure he was being caustic, sarcastic, mean-spirited and nasty. You bet. Just about as gross and mean as you can get. That's what the conservative Republican whiner Rush Limbaugh does best.

But, hey, guess what? You dumb fucks got the message, didn't you? Too bad you had to hear it from an over-indulged whiner like Rush Limbaugh. Why were you liberal freaks listening to a conservative talk show anyway? Huh? Well, let me guess. You were looking for more excuses to whine and cry. More ammo to support you life as a goddamn, pathetic whiner. You sorry losers. You self-inflict yourselves with loser losses.

But don't think you're alone. That's what Rush Limbaugh is. He's a Republican hardliner — and a major whiner — with a great big bug up his ass about anything and everyone that isn't in line with his views on life. If anyone out there is spending any goddamn tax dollars anywhere, he thinks it's coming directly out of his own goddamn pocket. Arrogant prick. A redneck? You bet he is. But, hey, I'm not going to sit here and type out a bunch of bad words about a radio entertainer so you can use them to attack him, with my support. Get your own bad words about Rush Limbaugh. And, as far as Sandra Fluke goes, you can get your own bad words about her, too. Rush did.

And, oh yes, you bet, President Obama — always the political opportunist — is busy making those supportive "We Are The World" phone calls for the press to dog and he's getting all those wonderful accolades from the liberal-ass press and lots and lots of Facebook Wall time from cryin' American whiners and a shitload of liberal, whining-ass Tweets. Hell, yes. This guy saw the handwriting on the wall in a nanosecond and it said, "Man, these sorry-ass, whining suckers walked right into it. Right into it. And now their sorry, whining-and-crying liberal-ass votes are mine."

You know what? It's to laugh.

Ellis Wanderly: The Lost Video

A week ago I made a video with my cowboy wannabe cousin, Tic Tickedofferson, and it "went south" almost immediately because he was so mean and nasty. Tic said it "went south" because I was so mean and nasty. So, I posted the damn thing anyway so viewers (if there were any) could make up their own minds about it.

Hell, I was so sure that the video with Tic was ruined because of him and not me that I invited an old high-school chum of mine, Ellison Ian Wanderly, to do a short video about extraterrestrials. My little "studio" was still a mess after Tic had wrecked it a week earlier with his big beer belly but most of the equipment was still in good enough shape to video Ellis Wanderly, whose high-pitched, squeaky voice wouldn't sound all that different on the broken, tinnny mike Tic Tickedofferson left in his wake.

When the video with Ellis started "going south" he naturally blamed it on me and then proceeded to show me what an old egghead beekeeper from California's Santa Barbara County can do when he's pushed too far. I was impressed. Damn, I had no idea. Anyway, this "lost video" is my tribute to Ellis Ian Wanderly, the beekeeper you never want to mess with.

Tic Tickedofferson

Author's Notice 10-18-13: Hey, Blogger or Google, (what's the difference?), you can go screw yourself for cutting my videos in half, for dumping them, for making me re-upload them every year or so, just because they're not the kind of sick, twisted, crap that disrespects and devalues human life. That's what you have YouTube for. So, keep your paws off my video posts. And you know goddamn well you can't watch this video on YouTube because I never put it there. You re-directing sonzabitches. Go cornhole yourselves.

Ted On Fire

Eating Dogshit in America

Hats off t0 McDonald's for having the courage to make a bold statement about the dangers of petting a stray pit bull (or any fucking pit bull for that matter). And fuck you pit bull lovers who think you assholes and your stupid carnivore pets are immune from criticism. People, like me, who think freedom should include the right to be safe from dogs in public have a right to our dissent, too. Pit bull owner outrage? I couldn't believe my fucking eyes! You pathetic assholes. Your dogs are a menace to society and you goddamn well know it.

So, you're outraged, are you? Fuck you. The real outrage is that America would be a lot safer without dangerous domestic carnivores in our fucking faces. You fucking pussies. Maybe you'll sue McDonald's for a million bucks just like that stupid old hag did back in the 1980s after she spilled a cup of coffee on herself at McDonald's and then blamed McDonald's for not warning her that the coffee was hot. Stupid bitch. I hope that gold-digging hag got run over by a fucking bus.

I'm serious. I've had it with you goddamn fucking people. Who in the fuck do you think you are? Jesus Christ, there's a goddamn whining-ass support group for every disaffected asswipe on this goddamn fucking planet and now people who own the ugliest, meanest, most dangerous dogs on the goddamn planet want us to kiss their fucking asses. Well, fuck you. When your fucking dogs bite people you both should be euthanized.

Just last week a 61-year-old Chicago man was attacked by three pit bulls as he jogged through a park. Now he only has one foot to face retirement with. Yeah, the fucking dogs had his foot for lunch while he lay there, helpless, enduring this stupid, hideous, horrifying, painful, agonizing unnecessary shit. Where was the fucking pit bull owner? You cryin'-ass piece of dog shit. If I ran this fucking planet you'd all be extinct.

Hooray for McDonald's! America is all about freedom of speech and that includes freedom of speech for everyone, not just a select few. So, hey, don't apologize anymore to these namby-pamby pit bull fuckheads. Let these stupid "me-first" bastards eat at Burger King, where they can have it "their way".

Pissin' and Moanin' For You

Ads Blow

It's been a while since any shit out there got me to the point where I'd bother to piss and moan about it on the Web. No, I'm not getting more tolerant about all the unnecessary shit in our lives, I've just been busy, that's all. That's right, I've usually got other fish to fry that are more important than pissin' and moanin' about something that only a handful of people will give a shit about.

But I finally got done fryin' those other fish for the time being and, hell, they're not very important, either. You know, things like getting the mail and going to the store and soaking your feet and taking out the garbage and shit like that. They might not sound very important but they're a lot higher on my to-do list than pissin' and moanin' about really important stuff that most people would only consider trivial.

That's right. Those big buckets of shit that most of you eat every fucking day are being eaten by you because you see everybody else eating them and you simply don't want to be left out. So, this blog post about "annoying ads" is not for you fuckers. You love ads. You love the shit they sell you. You watch an ad for something you don't need and don't really want and can't even afford and then you push and shove and knock heads and whine and cry until you get it. Because you think everybody else has it and got it first. Before you did. So, go away. Take a fucking hike. Turn on the boob tube, why don'tcha, and see what new shit they've come up with to pick your brains and your pockets.

You got it, this post isn't for you dumb fucks. It's for the hundred or maybe two hundred people in the entire world who can actually think for themselves and who, therefore, haven't eaten a single bucket of shit in their entire lives because, being smart people and independent thinkers, they know that, not only does shit not taste good, it's no goddamn good for you. Hell, this post might even annoy you because, Christ, you already know this shit and here I am boring you to death with it. Which makes you folks "my kind of people". But that's all right. It's worth the risk. Yep. I'll take a sock on the jib once in a while if it's for a good cause. Like awareness.

So, eating shit by the bucketful is not necessary, you see. And neither is being forced to endure ads, ads, ads, everyfuckingwhere you go just to get through a goddamn day. I mean, if you want to watch a news video on the Web and it starts out with a fucking ad, dump it. Fuck those asswipes. There are still plenty of online news sites and even famous newspapers that won't shove an ad down your throat just so you can see what's happening in the world. Ads are a fucking option. Even on TV. That's what recording devices are for. Record your favorite shows and watch them later. And fast-forward through those dip shit ads with all those dip shit people in them trying to sell you dip shit products and services that only a dip shit would want.

And there are enough fucking sidebar ads on Internet websites that you can click on if you fucking feel like it that you don't have to swallow a big gulp of shit you're not interested in just so you can hear what the President recently said or which team won last night or what some Hollywood shithead just did to get some more fucking attention. Christ Almighty, the ads on TV are bad enough without wading through them on the fucking Internet. These days, you almost need waders, not just boots, to waddle through the streams of shit that are "in your fucking face" before you even get to see a fucking glint of anything that might be even remotely newsworthy.

So, yeah, ads blow. And they blow big time. But you can minimize that shit by reading most of your online news, instead of waiting for the fucking ad to play out so you can wait for the rest of the fucking news video to load while you watch all those fucking Flash ads light up your computer screen like a fucking pinball machine. Yeah, it's really these animated ads and those asinine little video screens that slow down, freeze and even crash your browser.

Just imagine these advertisers being so fucking stupid they don't realize that they can't sell you shit if your PC is on the blink because its virtual memory has been high-jacked by RAM-robbing Flash ads. By greedy-ass dumb fucks who don't give a shit about you or your computer. They just want your money. And, hey, if my browser crashes or freezes — or even slows down — because of some dumb-fuck Flash ad, I'll make it my goal in life to never buy those advertisers' products or services again. So, if you fuck with my computer, you fuck with me. You stupid shitheads.

That's right, folks. You got it. If you're eating online ad shit and not liking it, it's your own goddamn fault. So, don't whine and cry to me about it. I took the time to piss and moan to you about it first. So there you go.

By George, He's Right

George Carlin isn't the only person who feels this way. Would you believe it? Some people have known this shit for years. Oh, yeah. Some people even know more about the real source of this fucking shit than George Carlin does. Want some fucking proof? Just click here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here. Or here.

Poetic Rage

Author's Note 11-07-13: This video was uploaded by Michael Casher to Blogger. You can't watch this video at YouTube because it does not exist there. That is another Google redirect which is nothing more than a lie to get you to watch other videos at YouTube instead of the uploaded video on this blog post. This new uploaded format at Blogger was introduced in November 2013 by Google without notice to anyone.

One Man's Vision Is Another Man's Wish

No, I don't have a goddamn crystal ball at my house. If I had a fool-ass crystal ball I'd use it for a fucking doorstop, not to cheat others out of their hard-earned income. Anyone who has a crystal ball and sees visions is just some delusional shit, anyway, who likes to play games for money instead of working for it. That's right, "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!" you dumb shits or you'll get duped like Dorothy did. Christ, at least Kansas is real.

No, I don't see visions and I don't make wishes. But, if wishes did come true, this is my biggest wish (see the above explosion). Somehow, it makes me feel like I'd have done something good for the rest of the universe when I'd dare to "wish upon a star" for Earth and it's human blight to just go away forever. Oh yeah, I'm even willing to have my own goddamn atoms blasted to Kingdom Come by Planet X if it'll keep the rest of the galaxy from being infected by creatures who only care about themselves.

Christ it's weird to make a desperate wish that turns out to be some asshole's dumb-fuck "vision". But, since Earth is definitely a goner as a world contender in this strange universe of ours — and it's our own dumb fault — I feel kinda good about biting a cosmic bullet if it'll help some worthy soul in another galaxy far, far away.

"Junk TV" Celebrity Showcase

View the photo album at Picasa

Happy Valley Shockwave

And you think my behavior is shocking? Jesus Christ, if you want to see truly shocking behavior, just click on the little shocked man in the yellow hardhat below to see what real shocking behavior is all about. That's right, Penn State students doing what they do best.

Christ, when rioting college students are permitted to take to the streets and smash things at will and throw rocks at other people and destroy other people's vehicles and public property just because they're "unhappy" with something and then never get punished for their behavior, the shocking behavior isn't just from the pampered-punk students.

God Almighty! People in "Happy Valley" can't see the fucking forest but it's not for all the fucking trees. They can't see past their own self-centered interests. They are the number one reason they're all alive and moving and shaking their little utopian world. What selfish, uncivilized crap. Man, do you fucking rat bastards ever deserve each other over there in "Happy Valley".

Just make sure you keep that nasty shit to yourselves. The rest of the world — the real world — considers rioting to be dangerous violence and a lethal threat to others. And that's because, in the real world, any redneck asshole from anywhere in America knows that you just can't up and do whatever you damn well please in public without paying the price. That's right. In the real world, rioters are beaten and dragged off to jail. It's what hateful, hostile, reckless, violent people fucking deserve. And you goddamn well know it.

"Happy Valley" My Ass

Jesus Christ, I never wanted to post anything like this on my blog. Not ever. But, if I don't, then I'll be just like everybody else who turns their back on crimes against humanity and especially on crimes against children, like they don't exist. Like this is about the downfall of powerful men instead of the pain and suffering of children at the hands of a sexual predator, betraying his trust with them and with an entire community of dumb-fuck Pollyanna shitheads who are apparently too fucking "happy" and too full of themselves to know when a crime is being committed there.

And, hey, you saw the warning in red lettering beneath this blog's header. I don't watch my goddamn "P's and Q's" here and you goddamn well know it. Nobody pays any attention to you if you don't shock them or scare them and that's what I do. So, if you want the watered-down shit, try the newspapers or go watch it on TV. This kind of crime needs to be ferreted out by a cranky old bastard like me who's more concerned with the underlying truth and the lies that cover them up than kissing asses that can't stand to be hurt by the truth. So, if you don't like "my French", take a fucking hike.

That's right, Jerry Sandusky is the the real demon here. No fucking question about it. Christ, it's time for Pennsylvania to bring back the goddamn electric chair, just for this fucker. Let me pull the fucking switch myself. Or, better yet, let the moms and dads of the sexually abused victims do it. Over and over again. Or, better yet, let the boys whose human rights this pedophile piece of shit violated take turns zapping his worthless ass to Kingdom Come.

Penn State Football

"Rogue's Gallery"

Let's remember, they're the real victims here. Those young boys. Not Penn State Football or PSU's tarnished image. Fuck Penn State. It's been the number one "party school" for decades. Now we know why. Hell, if sexual crimes against underage boys are perpetrated right on the Penn State main campus and then condoned or overlooked or covered up or simply ignored, no goddamn wonder nobody in "Happy Valley" gave a shit when drunken students set fire to downtown State College in 1998. Jesus Christ Almighty, what a fucking town.

And, yeah, let's not split hairs or become ostriches here about this sensitive and sick shit. Jerry Sandusky is the real criminal here. No question about it. The death penalty is too good for this sick fuck but, unfortunately, it's the best we can do, here, in "America the Beautiful". But Penn State President Graham Spanier, PSU Athletic Director Tim Curley and Penn State Senior Vice President Gary Schultz are also guilty of the crime of failing to report Sandusky's sick crimes to the police, first of all, and then to the proper authorities in Harrisburg. Penn State head football coach Joe Paterno reported one incident to the proper authorities at Penn State and, thus, got away with minimal responsibility. Instead of being a real man and going after Jerry Sandusky, tooth and nail.

And let's not forget assistant football coach Mike McQueary — then Joe Paterno's 28-year-old grad assistant — who chose to save his own butt and perform "damage control" for JoePa instead of doing the right thing. In Pennsylvania, it's legal to shoot and kill anyone who is raping anyone. If I'd have been Mike McQueary and had caught Jerry Sandusky raping a ten-year-old boy in a football locker room shower on Penn State's main campus in 2002, he'd never have lived past that twisted moment. And the next people to see that boy would have been the Penn State Police.

That's exactly what I'm saying. 28-year-old Mike McQueary should have killed kiddie-raper Jerry Sandusky on the spot with his bare hands and then called 9-1-1. Or at least have pulled that hideous monster off that poor boy. Jesus H. Christ! Doesn't anybody at this backward university "get it" yet?? Anything short of saving that boy from further sexual abuse was an act of cowardice, self-preservation and ass-kissing "damage control". You're all a bunch of fucking "me first" bastards who have no place in our 21st-Century American culture.

We all know why this was kept "Hush Hush". To keep the Penn State Football Dream alive-and-well and to keep the big football bucks rolling in. The bottom line. You fucking bastards. You can escape the hands of justice, you can even escape the fickle goddamn finger of fate, but you can never escape your own Karma. It'll get you all in the end. And you all deserve it. Yep, look at them. Just look at them. In their selfish world, this is all about them. What shit.

"Happy Valley", my goddamn ass. There is no "Happy Valley", Pennsylvania. Fuck "Happy Valley". I wouldn't go to "Happy Valley" to take a fucking shit.

Guilty on 48 Counts
June 22, 2012

New York Times — N.C.A.A Penalizes Penn State

Associated Press — N.C.A.A. Penalizes Penn State

Philadelphia Inquirer — PSU Gets Accreditation Warning

Sandusy Gets 30 - 60 years in Prison

Pennsylvania Revokes Sandusky's Pension

Spanier, Schultz and Curley Charged With Five Counts

Former Penn State Leaders Charged in Sandusky Case

More Penn State News from USA Today

Post updated 11-1-12.

Ronnie WRight

So, you don't believe there are people from outer space or that there's life on other planets, huh?

Don't worry. You've got plenty of company.

No, not me, you dumb shit. I know better.

"Ronnie WRight"
a SciFiFoFum production

The Time is WRight

I know this guy Ronnie who makes me look like Albert Einstein in comparison. His full name is Ronald W. Wright but everybody in town calls him Ronnie, even though he's in his late fifties. Here in the Allegheny Plateau, like most places in Appalachia, men never really grow up. That's the way we like it. Then we can get away with all kinds of shit just because boys will be boys. Man, I love that lame-ass line.

Anyway, Ronnie let me alter his last name a bit for this promo vid and for the actual video, which I intend to post in early October. He's so dumb that he agreed to appear in my next video just so I can show people that only a dumb fuck like him thinks there aren't any people on other planets.

Ronnie's so freakin' dumb he thinks I don't believe in them, either. He thinks I'm just talkin' shit. God, I love this guy. Every cranky old bastard ought to have a pal like Ronnie WRight. I'm even using his mug to draw traffic to my page at the Junk TV website. Hell, it's better than having a fuckin' ad on the FOX Network.

WoWAGreatBigRocket!

Yeah, I heard "the big news" the other day. Umm hmm. How'd ya think I'd react? I'm not a ten-year-old boy. Or a NASA bigwig, either, spooning out shit by the bucketful to a gullible American public that just can't seem to get enough of those noisy, big-ass NASA rockets.

Yeah, great big rockets. And all the ballyhoo and hullabaloo that goes along with them. Like 20th-century window dressing, false patriotism and government cover-ups. That's right. I'm a grownup. I can see through transparent people. And, like a grownup, I can't get all excited about something that can eventually be made into a Lego toy.

What about you?

And, yep, I did all the sound effects myself, separately, and then dubbed them in afterward. It's amazing what you can do with a five-dollar stick mike from Big Lots wrapped in a MacGregor sports sock, lots of spit and a free sound recorder downloaded from the Web.

And, no, I wasn't holding my cigar upside down. It's a cigar, not a fuckin' rocket. Besides, I tried that and the goddamn hot ashes went all over the goddamn place. Hey, unlike NASA, I'm on a shoe string budget, here. So, if it doesn't look and sound like high-end shit to you, go peddle your papers. It's no skin off my ass either way.

So, you finally noticed the "Filmed on Loaction" credit at the end. Was it a pun? Well, gee, if it was a pun I guess I'd be saying that this particular video is in "Lo Action" instead of HD, right? Or was it just a typo? Or maybe there's some hidden biblical reference or a code that'll put you in a freethinker matrix. If you can figure out the fucking code.

Or maybe "loaction" is a new high-end video-making process that you'll want to die for! Especially if everyone else has it and you don't. In that case, why does the video look so Low-Def, huh? I'd say LMAO if I didn't think that the flourishing use of chatroom acronyms is earmarking the downfall of western civilization. But how would you know that if you use them all the time because you can't spell real words worth a damn? Huh? OK, you nitpickers can chew on that thing awhile. Me? I've got other fuckin' fish to fry.

Twin Towers: The Presidents Who Shagged Us

Freddie Was No Abe Lincoln

People can do what the hell they want with their lives as long as they don't hurt other people or break the law. That's basically my public position on "diversity". Not my personal beliefs, which are none of your business. But this post isn't about "diversity". It's about disrespecting Abraham Lincoln. I have a problem with Google not honoring Abraham Lincoln on his birthday and then honoring somebody like Freddie Mercury on what would have been his 65th birthday, today.

I couldn't stand the sound of Queen and Freddie Mercury made me want to puke. I'll be up front about that. Not liking Freddie Mercury is my goddamn prerogative. But I'd be the last person to say he had no right to be the person he was. Being who you are and becoming who you want to be is what freedom is all about. Liking and not liking people, places and things is also what freedom is about.

Part of my freedom is being allowed to be sickened by other people and their behavior. I'll willingly accept the fact that I should respect people as human beings in public and treat them right if I can do and say as I please in my own goddamn home and in my private life. So, don't think for one goddamn fucking minute that my believing that people have a right to basically do as they please as long as they don't hurt anyone or break the law is any kind of support for anyone's lifestyle. Support your own goddamn lifestyle. If you don't "fit it", that's your fucking problem. Don't make it mine.

So, before any of you touchy assholes out there think I give a shit about Freddie Mercury's sexual preference, pull your heads out of your own asses for a minute and listen to what this blog post is really about. I do have personal opinions and public ones and that doesn't make me phony. It shows you that I can be myself and respect everyone at the same time. Being a good citizen is a lot easier than you think. Give it a try before you die.

That's right, this post is about Google disrespecting one of the greatest human beings to have ever lived, Abraham Lincoln, by not even mentioning his birthday this past February 12th, or the year before that, and then honoring a freaky, self-centered dandy like Freddie Mercury for once having been alive by commissioning a special Google Doodle.

Abe Lincoln, the 16th President of the United States, helped change the course of American history — and our global culture as well — and he was murdered for his efforts. On the other hand, Queen lead singer Freddie Mercury never did anything for anybody else. His mercurial rise to fame as a shock-rock singer (pardon the pun) was undeserved, as far as I'm concerned, and his life was all about him, not about any kind of service to others. On top of that, Freddie Mercury killed himself because he couldn't control his own sexual urges. How in the hell that can be any point of honor is a total mystery to me and one I may never solve.

Yeah. Talk about misplaced priorities. How Google can justify honoring a libertine while turning their backs on a man who chose to liberate people is a shock and an insult I just couldn't keep to myself. Post edited 4-17-13 to make it clearer and myself clearer to everyone.

Sam on Hell

No, this isn't me talking about people in my personal life. I have no personal life and this isn't about anybody's personal life except Sam Kinison's personal life. So, if he wanted to air his dirty laundry in public, I'll watch and laugh my goddamn ass off. So, if you don't like me (Ted O'Hooey, who else?) or Sam Kinison or caustic humor, what the hell are you doing here? You little fucking snoops. This blog is fictitious humor. So, like it or lump it. Or just fuck off.

Psychic Pshit Psucks

Psychics are nothing but a bunch of goddamn frauds who eat and sell shit for a living because they're too fucking lazy to get real jobs. Whenever I see an ad somewhere for one of those worthless shit-sucking, bottom-feeding psychics, it makes me wish this touchy-feely world of ours would wise the fuck up about these Luciferian assholes and ban these creepy dark-side-serving charlatans from making their dumb-fuck sales pitches. That won't make them go away but it'll certainly put a choke hold on their ill-gotten gain.

I had a dream the other night about a weak-willed guy who paid one of these ass quacks way too much of his hard-earned money for a goddamn psychic reading and then when he got nothing but predictable lying-ass bullshit in return, he shot the flim-flam fucker and burned the fucker's house down. Christ, it was refreshing not to have a goddamn nightmare for a change.

Then, just last night, I had another dream that the sorry-ass, pantywaist dead psychic's client got run over by a bus and became the roadkill piece of shit he really was. Proof of sorry-ass life. Proof of what happens when a butt-fucked mind meets a mind-fucker like an online psychic.

Well, you know where this is going. Yep. Fuck psychics and fuck all the assholes who take a piece of that shit pie by aiding and abetting the butt-fucking psychics who cheat and rob the butt-fucked public on a regular fucking basis.

They're even worse than the goddamn asswipes who try to sell you that vampire shit. Jesus, just about any redneck asshole from just about anywhere knows that vampire stories are nothing but dark shit for stupid, creepy dark-minded kids. Nasty poop pabulum for youngsters to swallow while the soul-less vendors of this creepy shit prepare doggie bags for Switzerland and The Caymans. Fuck them.

So, add psychics to that growing, dark-ass list. And, while you're at it, add all those vampire lovers to that towering turd pile, too. Their sorry-ass souls aren't worth saving. At least I'm not going to break into a sweat anymore about all the lost souls on this stupid planet. Earth is a goner, just like Mars.

OK, then, until I get good and ticked off again, have a great fall. Or, have a great spring if you're from the southern hemisphere. And, hey, don't let the bedbugs or the vampires or the goddamn psychics bite you. But, if they do, bite the fuckers back.

Chicken Little Countdown

Lousy London Catches L. A. Fever

I once entertained the notion of traveling to England and visiting London, for starters. I thought I'd like to see Buckingham Palace and watch Big Ben strike noon on the Parliament Building. I wanted to sip dark beer in a real English pub and throw darts and laugh and pal around with some interesting blokes. I wanted to ogle some English birds who looked like they belonged on the old Benny Hill TV show. I wanted to eat fish and chips. I thought it would be exhilarating to see Piccadilly Circus and Trafalgar Square and gaze upon the Statue of Lord Nelson. I wanted to see Abbey Road without The Beatles on it.

But not now. No, I'd rather go to Paris and be insulted by a bell hop who hates me because I'm an American. I'd rather have soup spilled on me in Sarajevo because they don't like my accent . Yeah, I'd rather do those things than risk my life in London because English youths like to make their problems everyone's problem. Jumpin' Jesus, I'd rather go to Cleveland on a dog day afternoon and watch the Indians lose to Tampa Bay and I'd rather have a fucking pigeon shit on me than do that.

You bet. In the wake of the recent riots in the London area, I've lost all my desire to not only see London but to see the U.K. period. I'd rather go to Vladivostok and take a slow boat to China. I'd rather ride a rickshaw in downtown Bangkok. Hell, I'd rather pull a fucking rickshaw in downtown Bangkok than be found dead in a car in downtown London because some young asswipe with shit for brains is too fucking lazy to contact his representative in the House Of Commons over his goddamn beef with the British government.

I'd rather be robbed in Tijuana where you fucking expect to be robbed than be waylaid by marauding London youths because they're too fucking lazy to vote or campaign for their particular causes. Or because they're just to goddam mean to be alive. I'd rather eat Baklava in Athens while trying not to be kidnaped before I'd watch hooded Cockney punks kick in shop doors and steal TV sets because they don't like this or that or anything else.

Hell, I'd just rather stay home. When rioters try to take over a city here in the States, we club the fuckers, arrest them and sometimes even shoot them. It's what they fucking deserve.